(Lygenztia *13) Oh, by the way.........

The dreaded intro....almost always from your children. Have you ever heard something like this from your kids?

"Oh, by the way..there's a big, important meeting tonite at the school. It's at 5:30Pm. You have to go.."

(Usually, you have three other things planned and they tell you 5:15)

"Oh, by the way, I need $400 for registration..it's due today by 3:00PM"

(this one, they tell you at 6:45AM..the day before payday)

"Oh, by the way, I need a 1:10 scale model of the Eiffel Tower for my science project. It's due in the morning."

"Oh, by the way, you're friend called and left an important message for you two weeks ago. I forget who it was, or what they wanted."

Why is it that kids can memorize complicated patterns in video games, or learn "when to push the blue button" on X-box, or memorize infinite colour combinations on guitar hero..yet, they cannot remember the most simple, important events in their life or the lives of others? (Usually closely involving a commitment of some kind for their parent.)

But here is the kicker..."Oh by the way....." isn't really last minute, is it? Because they have the memo's, the reminders, the notes, ad infinitum in their school bag/knap sack. But where are those notes? They are smeared with jam, cookie crumbs, juice box stains and pudding cup lids.

So, why dig them out and read them? Gross eh? I think i'll just throw these little suckers out...Mom and Dad probably know about this anyway.

Well, let me tell you something kiddo! These meetings and events are as obscure and secret as a Freemason meeting, if you don't tell us about them..or bring home the damn note. So, let me let you kids in on a little secret. These communications from schools are not secret anagrams from the Davinci Code, these are not the Dead Sea Scrolls, to be hiden and tucked away..they are information that parents need to plan accordingly!

So please, take a moment or two to dig that note out of your knapsack. Wipe off the pudding, bread crumbs and dry out the juice stain. Then give it to your mom or dad.

Now as far as phone messages, that is another Lygenztia.

There are two varieties of message relay from kids to parents:

First, they don't tell you at all.

The message goes something like this...

Caller-"hello, Mr. Smith?

"Kid- "not home, now don't bug me..I'm at level 3 in guitar hero..this is huge..."

"Caller-"we think their bank accounts have been compromised, please have them call us immediately at 1-800-555-1212. this is very urgent"

Kid-"Ya, for sure..I got it..gotta go. My pop tarts are burnin...click"

So...Mom and dad get home..(next conversation)

Mom-"anyone call?"

Kid-"naw...did you buy more pop tarts?"

Second, the delayed message....

The conversation around the dinner table goes something like this...

Dad-"funny, I haven't heard from the Department of Justice about the job offer"

Mom-"oh, you'll get the next one dear"

Kid-"yaaa..somebody called 2 weeks ago..forget their name..said something about the Department, or something. I thought they meant Wal Mart. And they said um, something like if you didn't reply within 24 hours they were going to move to the next coutry...or candidate..something like that. But hey..guess what? I got high score on guitar hero yesterday! It was 13224.6 and I only missed .027 percent of the notes at 1:47PM."

Thanks for your support, Junior. Damn kids.

(Lygenztia-*12) The value of community....

Why must we run towns, ever increasingly, like businesses? Towns do not produce widgets. They produce citizens and communities.

A community is no more a Town, than a Town is automatically a community. A community is the tight knit social fabric that spawns success, contentment, a sense of belonging....and pride.

From this, we get great places to live, great citizens and mutual advancement. I am saddened by the ever increasing efforts of some governments to run communities like companies, or "businesses". Do you have to be fiscally responsible? Well, of course. But, we must never lose sight of the value of the community and what it means to its members. Invest in the community, in recreation and social events. In attractions and community building ventures. Every community has slightly different goals and interests, but most have a common theme. A safe, enjoyable place for the community to interact. Call it divergent interests, with convergent goals.

If you provide the right environment, many will elect to remain in the community, as you have met their needs. You will also attract new members....enlarging the community and the sense of family and belonging. We all prosper, together. Some of the pursuits and interests of the community simply can't be valued in dollars and cents. It's not about the profit margin. It's about people.

Why do we continually strip away from, or tear apart the social fabric....all in the name of a buck? Ever increasing recreation costs...reduced community programmes. It's all so short sighted...and well, stupid.Communities aren't businesses and business has gotten alot of things wrong and done alot of damage along the way. I am not anti-business, but I sure as hell don't beleive that business models apply to people and especially communities.

One need only remind themselves of a few businesses and the impact they have had on their community, possibly the entire world.

Enron-need I say more?
Nortel-How's their stock doing?
407 ETR-How's your bill looking?
Tango Airlines-Everyone got a great deal there, eh?


Government-for the people, by the people. Cool concept. Time to bring it back.

(Lygenztia-*11) The Jam Fairy...a National Holiday?

Many a fairy tale has been spun over the eons, and I begin by making my apology to Hans Christian Andersen. You see, my house has a fairly common, but rarely mentioned fairy tale character, called the Jam Fairy”.

The Jam Fairy has mystical powers, with unlimited ability to perfect their art. So..who is this magical Jam Fairy and what do they do, you ask? Well sit right down and I'll tell you a magical fairy tale about the Jam Fairy.

Let's start off with a history and description of the jam fairy. The jam fairy I suspect, has been around since time immemorial. Ever since the beginning of time the jam fairy,in one form or another, has circumnavigated the globe.

The jam fairy is everywhere, the jam fairy sees everything and the jam fairy is always available to make things better wherever they go. Which is precisely why every single home has a jam fairy. They perform probably the most important function in any family unit.

One of the most peculiar aspects of the jam fairy is their uncanny ability to always be where they are most needed. The jam fairy purely on instinct knows when there could be called upon, where they need to be and where they can be the most effective.

So as not to keep you in suspense any longer I'll give you a brief description of the jam fairy's duties and mystical powers. The jam fairy has the uncanny ability to float about the house and cleanup jam, peanut butter, crumbs, food waste, dishes, hygienic items, towels, dirty clothing and a litany of other things that somehow magically accumulate in every house.

The jam fairy loves their job. Oh yes, they simply live for these tasks. The jam fairy knows that they will be called upon mere seconds after every peanut butter and jam sandwich is made. The jam on the fridge door handle, the crumbs all over the counter, the knife in the sink with a half a jar of jam still clinging for dear life…… hoping someday to find a slice of bread to attach itself to.

The jam fairy is a diverse mystical creature, not only do they instinctively know to swoop in at all peanut butter and jam instances, they know they will be called upon for eggs, ham sandwiches, egg salad sandwiches, leftovers to be heated in the microwave and if they're very lucky they also get to pick up the plates strewn about the house.

The jam fairy knows instinctively that no one else in the home has time to wipe the counter put the dishes away, or to put things back as they found them. Time is precious to everyone………. except the jam fairy. The jam fairy's time is limitless and there's nothing they love more than wiping jam off the counter and the fridge door handle.That is the whole reason for existence for the jam fairy.

It is my belief that I should advocate for the jam fairy and that we should have one day per year set aside, in honor of the jam fairy. The jam fairy would graciously accept gifts of chocolate, liquor, beer and gift certificates for restaurants in exchange for their mystical, magical services.

So, hats off to the jam fairy. For all you do in secrecy and silence, I salute you.

(Lygenztia*10) We ALL win??

When it come to children "nowadays", why do they all have to win? Why can't there be clear cut winners and losers in the game(s) of life? Because they are not just games. Like it or not, they are primers. That's how nature wired us humans. As much as we would like to think that humans have isolated themselves from nature and our animalistic tendencies...we really have not.

We compete daily with eachother, as adults. (and on a more informal manner, as kids) We compete for mates, for better jobs, for better parking spaces, for shorter check out line ups, for a better lane on the highway, for a newer, shinier car than our neighbour. We even compete to be heard, when speaking in group settings (socialization) For crying out loud, we even compete when we see who is going to get out of that elevator first.

On many levels, it's subconscious...you do't even realize you're doing it.We all endure trial, tribulation and some forms of competition, as adults. Someone comes out on top...or "wins". We compromise, but sometimes a clear cut winner is necessary. It's the human condition. It's the social covenant."you got the job", "you got the girl" (or guy)", you won the award", "you beat the other team", "you made the deal".

It seems like every kid that participates in any activity nowadays, gets a medal, trophy or some type of false accolade. "look mom, we got a trophy for finishing 9th place" (Meanwhile, only 8 teams entered) Well I have to tell you, that demeans 1st place and the whole notion of the winner. It also drives out that need to test oneself and to strive for excellence.

Kids need to learn some lessons and need to be exposed to some "primers". Are we really crushing their spirit, by having them experience loss or not getting their way? Isn't the human spirit supposed to be indominitable?

Now some will say, "they're just kids...let them have fun, make them feel good about themselves". I agree wholeheartedly. But let's never allow our kids to accept that they don't have to try to acheive their dreams.

Because in the game of life..when we compete with others, only 1 person finishes first and only one person gets the medal. May the best person win.

Champions are built away from the game.

(Lygenztia*9) My bathroom...well, not really

What is the attraction to my fortress of solitude? Why does everyone in my home need to see what is in my little area?

My house has 3 fully equipped bathrooms. All quite nice. My bathroom is an ensuite, nicely appointed but not extravagant. But, I like it.

Every single morning..every single day, my kids need in there. Why? Dang, I just don't know. Now let me say unequivocally that this is not typically an access issue. Oft times, their bathroom is vacant, all the while insisting on needing to use mine.

The other day, in one of my rare brainstorms (very, very rare actually) I took my daughter to the local drug store and bought everything her little heart desired, for her and her brother for THEIR bathroom. But alas, the very next morning they had to get into my bathroom. They needed to see what was in there....they had to ponder life, through the prism of my sink..or maybe mirror. So, for fun...I took a little inventory of their bathroom.

Are you ready?

-3 towels, -4 bottles of shampoo, -1 bottle of conditioner, -1 bottle of Axe body wash (actually mine, but that's another Lygenztia), -2 tubes of toothpaste, -1 bottle of hair mousse, -2 jars of hair gel, -2 brushes and 1 comb, -1 hair curler, -1 hair straightener (huh??), -2 toothrushes,

-1 ceramic man holding 4 rolls of toilet paper (our "butler"), -1 squirt bottle of hand soap,

-Tommy Hilfiger aftershave, -1 razor and shaving cream

So, tell me again what it is that they must have out of MY bathroom? I still have not figured that out. What can I do to get my little room back? I've thought about it, but have no new ideas.I think that when you get married, you give up on any exclusivity to your bathroom rights, espcially if it is an ensuite. I have resigned myself to the fact that I will have no private ensuite bathroom until they go off to college, or hopefully University.

But I will have my revenge. I will, I have planned it. When they get married and buy their home and settle down...I have my plan for revenge.

We are going to visit, overnite in their new home. The FIRST morning I am going to set my alarm for 6:30PM. Then, I am going to put on my fuzzy old guy slippers, with my Hugh Hefner smoking jacket and knock on their bedroom door at about 6:40AM.

Then, I am going in their room and I am going to use THEIR bathroom....for as long as I want.

I need to see what's in there....

(Lygenztia-addendum) Lygenztia..what the hell is Lygenztia?

It’s my word, that’s what. Its meaning, at least to me, is deeply personal. I have always had a yearning to write my thoughts. No guts, no glory. They are just thoughts, not the gateway to wisdom, nor the sage advice of a guru.

Not everything has to be explained and not everything has to be understood. Some things are much more fun when they remain a mystery, which is why I was torn over the decision to explain my word. The amount of people wanting to know “what is Lygenztia?” to be honest….shocked me. I thought..”who the hell cares”, but obviously some do.

Which is kinda cool, at least to me.

Because my thoughts are so personal, I decided that I had to create a word to describe those thoughts. To use an existing word, seemed like putting lipstick on a pig. The thought occurred to me when I was in traffic one day, happily traipsing along at a blistering speed of negative 5 kmh. Traffic gives you a lot of time to think. (and listen to the radio and talk on the phone)

My personal favourite thoughts of Lygenztia are contrived in traffic. Why? I do not know. Perhaps it is the creative juices that flow when I think about sex. Traffic equals sexy thoughts, at least for me. It usually rotates back and forth (pardon the pun) between sex and “other” thoughts on a 5 minute cycle. 5 minutes sex….5 minutes “other”. Repeat.

So there you have it, Lygenztia explained. Stripped down naked and exposed. All for your information and reading pleasure. Now, if you’ll excuse me I have to return to my 5 minute cycles…….and my pleasure.

(Lygenztia *8) Who are "They"?

Have you ever wondered who they are? I've thought about this and I would like "they" to show themselves. One of the lexicons of our modern language is to use the description of “they say”, when referring to a higher power or someone with superior intellect.

For example,” they say that eating a lot of carrots is good for your eyes” . How do “they” know this and who exactly are “they”? “They“ profess to know a lot and to be dispensers of all wisdom, but I've never seen any of their studies or evidence to back up their claims or assertions. Are “they” the power brokers, the authors of the Encyclopedia Britannica, perhaps even the Illumnati? Because damn… “they” sure know a lot of things about a lot of things… actually when you get right down to it, “they” know everything about everything. I mean that's what “they” say.

Often times when speaking, to try to bolster our point or make it sound as if it is more credible we say “they say”. Interestingly, we almost never identify “they” by name or group. Conversely the listener accepts that “they” know what they are talking about. This is another social covenant. It is understood in communicating with others that when they say “they say” it must be true beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Usually, the last vestige of trying to prove your point (when you know your argument is flimsy) is simply to throw in “they say”. The effect is always the same, the ears of the listener perk up and it is not uncommon for someone to start eavesdropping. After all everyone wants to know what “they say”.

I want someone up there to tell me who “they” are and how “they” know so much. If “they” are going to be the authority about all things….. I need to have some more background so I can make up an opinion about what “they say”.

If “they” are willing to show themselves, then perhaps I would be willing to listen to what “they say”.

My theory is, that "they" originated in Philadelphia. (see photo)

(Lygenztia*7) A wonderful conversation….leading to guilt.

Recently, I had to go to the local superstore to purchase dog food. It was a very, very cold but bright day. My hatred for the winter is legendary and my laughable attire is equal fodder for legendary tale status. So, off I went in my parka, my knitted mittens, and my giant furry “Gong Show hockey” Sherpa hat. To top off this wonderful outfit (or ensemble, as fashion critics would call it) I was wearing my three dollar sunglasses. No matter, if I'm warm and happy and if the fashion police come for me, they'll never take me alive.

While waiting in line with my 8 kg bag of dog chow and rawhide bones, a bubbly lady in front of me engaged me in conversation. Her cheeks were rosy and she had obviously been in the cold for extended period of time, but that didn’t seem to dampen her spirit, or her smile.

We had a wonderful conversation, ranging from a recent documentary on television which was comparing dog foods. See knew all about my dogs, the breed, the name and their approximate ages. The conversation then ranged to the gym I go to, she asked if I was still going and why she hadn't seen me there lately. She also mentioned her boyfriend, Tim, and that he'd been asking about me. Rather sheepishly, I replied that I've been very busy with hockey and lacrosse and had not been getting to the gym as much as I would like. We both knew that this was a pretty pathetic copout and right then and there, I committed consciously to making a better effort at increased attendance.

After finally commiserating about the brutally cold weather, we bade each other farewell and went about our merry way.

Now, the casual observer maybe asking..” so what is so unusual or worthy of note about this conversation?”

My response would be this. I have absolutely no idea who this person was. I'm ashamed of myself for not knowing more about this person, who obviously took the time to learn about me and for not even recognizing who they were.

I must learn to be better at that…. and better than that.

(Lygenztia *6.5) Up yours....

To conclude, or begin..."Up yours", "Bite me", "You're such a loser"

It's how male friends talk to eachother. The worse the insult, the more profound the relationship. So women talk to eachother....while men cuss eachother out. The real litmus test of the friendship is the ability of the person receiving the insult, to covet and embrace the "rip"...without crying or whining.

Men can sit around the TV all night, and never say 3 sentences to eachother, other than.."hey asshole, get me a beer while you're up and don't go puttin your herpes laden tongue on my pint...loser."

The funny thing is, we never wonder if "everything is OK"..or "what is he thinking" about our buddies. And do you know why? Cause we don't give a shit, that's why. We are thinking about beer, ladies, sex and probably either hockey, or football. (and in bewteen that, sex..the really dirty kind) Not enough synapses in that cranial matter to focus any more inner thought on our buddies "thoughts".

For example....
Question-"Hey asshole, what do you want on your pizza, shithead?"
Answer-"What the fuck do I care, do I have to dial the phone for your sorry drop out ass?"
And do you know what else? Huh? When we say "I don't care", do you know what that means? It means, are you ready for it? We don't care, that's what.
(Women have approximately 17 degrees of " I don't care". Men don't.)

Guys will rip on eachother and insult eachother all night with the worst possible cusses imaginable....alll with one shared aim. Not to show that they are wondering what their buddy is thinking, but to show him that they are buds.

And do you know what buddies do? They go to war for eachother, they stick up for eachother, help eachother and they defend eachother, even if they do call eachother horrible things....that's how we show we care.

(Lygenztia-*5) Why the hell don't you know?

The most interesting people that I know listen, much more than they talk. With every passing day that I age, I learn that I know next to nothing about this world.

What I have learned is that each and every other person that I know... knows something that I don't. So, they can teach me "something"."Something".

And is "something" trivial? Maybe not, when looked at through their prism. In this world, there are hundreds of countries, with different layers of government. Within those countries are numerous regional customs, norms, values and ways humans interact, socialize and compete. Within that dichotomy are faith based religions, cults, spiritual followers of all shapes and sizes.

To further dissect that little amoeba, we have the family dynamic that is unique to every single family unit..on the planet. Think of the infinite ways of thinking, acting, doing things and opinions.

Listen, don't talk. Listen.

The next time that you are at a social, spiritual, family or professional gathering and the one that professes to know it all, spews their perceived monopoly of knowledge..think of this, listen, laugh to yourself and realize that they can't possibly know everything.

Lygenztia just proved it.

(Lygenztia-*4) Oh, you brought me a coffee..

Who has met this guy? Who amongst the civilized and normal have encountered him? You KNOW the guy.

You take some extra time, pack your lunch the night before and leave to get to work on time, planning for traffic.

So, as a perk, you stop and get yourself a nice, hot coffee. Probably Tim's. You walk into work and there he is (he is always smoking), waiting for you. He moves to block your way, you shuffle, so does he.

The greeting is always the same..."Oh, you brought me a coffe..." and then they stand there with that mooching, determined look on their face, hoping you will relent. Well, I tell you what.. you smoking, lazy lard ass. I didn't get you a coffee. I didn't get you a coffeee yesterday, I didn't get you a coffee today and i'm not getting you one tomorrow.(All the while thinking to yourself, get your lazy ass into your 1984 Impala, if it will start and get in the Timmy's line up.)

So, simply ignore him. To engage in a battle of wits, is to fight with the unarmed.

ADDENDUM-The same observations and catchecisms can be added (or observed) with regards to the the drunk ass at the party.

You know the guy....."Ohhhh, you brought me a beer...hic."

(Lygenztia *3) Why do we "normals" suffer?

Are you normal? Define normal. What is normal? Are normal people conformists, realists, or morally balanced contributors to the human condition?

Normal people do normal things and are, generaly speaking, liked by other normal people. They deal with issues, the idiosyncracies of situation and personality in a normal manner. They deal with confrontation, discord and differences of opinion, normally.

Because, that defines the normal person. (as opposed to neurotic, imperfect, malcontents, which nature has cursed the normal with. We'll call these people (and perhaps situations)..the "Zeds".The normal, speak to, with and for the vox polpuli. The thoughts of the normalare in synchronistic wavelength with peace and harmony. Their philosophies are in harmony with nature.

But, here is where it falls through. Normal people encounter people and events that aren't normal, which stretches their ability to remain normal. Here, they have to deal with the "Zeds". Most of us have had the unfortunate experience of dealing with a "Zed". This is trying, because "Zeds" aren't normal, like the rest of us.

They howl and their language is the ad homenium. (an unreasoned response, to a reasoned situation) Their language is steeped in vitriol, venom and fear. Why, say you? I can tell you why...it is their own folly, their own social inadequacy and their need to commit "sch ad en freude" at each and every opportunity. A dastardly lot, these "Zeds".

"Zeds"...ugh. Avoided and loathed by the normal. But tolerated, because that is the normal thing to do. "Zeds" hate the normal, because they are envious of their balance and are always seeking to create imbalance. It's a Ying/Yang...like it or not.

So, what can one do when dealing with a "Zed"? Nothing. The "Zeds" will react the only way they know how. Unreasonably. Attempting to inflict pain on those around them...similar to the turmoil they find their conscience in.

So, stay with the normal....it's a nice place. Aye, the only vengeance available, because you'll never reform a "Zed".

(lygenztia *2)Snowblower...test of character/personality

Everything that I need to know about a man, I can tell by the way he operates his snowblower. There are many types...
1) The closet emergency services worker. (also known as the "keener") The man that dreams for the stormy day, so that he can save the neighbourhood. He lives for this stormy day. He is watching the Weather Network every night, fingers crossed, hoping for "the big one". He has extra gas, makes a huge production out of getting out his "emergency rescue vehicle" (the snowblower) and sets out, very publicly, to remove any and all snow within his neighborhood. Even diggin out those who he dislikes. After all self-ingratiating behaviour surpasses petty greivances, right? This guy humours me.
2) The grinch. The cheap, spiteful, self absorbed, condescending prick. He has an amazing snowblower, likely the most powerful one that money can buy. But he does his driveway and his driveway only. Stops halfway on the front sidewalk, beside his neighbour. Too spiteful to remove any of their neighbour's snow. Not one damn flake. "Let them get their own damn snowblower" can usually be heard muttered under their breath. Rather see his elderly neighbour drop dead from a heart attack, than let him freeload on his snowblower.I don't like this guy, nobody likes this guy and they never have company, except the relative that has no choice but to visit them. The relative doesn't stay long.
3) The repairman. C'mon you know the guy. He drinks beer with the neighbours and they all love him. He'd gladly remove everyone's snow for a beer. But he can't, beacuse he can never get the damn thing to start. The time he spends trying to get it started, quicky exceeds the time that he would have spent..if he would have just shovelled it. I love this guy, everybody in the neighbourhood loves this guy, but that doesn't stop them from giggling behind the curtains, when they watch him try to start his snowblower.
4) The calm, quiet one. He has a nice snowblower, nothing fancy. Doesn't particularly enjoy these storms, but he is always ready for them. He quietly goes about his business, cleaning out his driveway and all adjacent sidewalks. He always does the elderly neighbours driveways and he tries to do it when nobody else is out and about. He doesn't need thanks, or platitudes. He does what needs to be done, without being asked, beacuse that's who he is. I admire this guy.

Thoughts are welcome......penned in Lygenztia

(Lygenztia-*1) Sorry, what exactly is "sorry".

When one person passes another on a chance encounter, there is no need for "sorry". The spoken word, in this case, does not equate to the committed deed.All too often, in today's society when we pass another person in a hall or walkway, or even get slightly close to them we say "sorry".
Getting off an elevator, crossing the threshold of a doorway, we see another person and inevitably say..."sorry".
Why? This is not the time for sorry, this is the time for opportunity. An oportunity to complete, or embrace, the social covenant, to communicate with your fellow man. The chance to smile, say hello, or even make a friend. This can be done just as easily with a "hello", or a warm smile. A warm smile is as good as, or more often better... than any hello.Look up, don't look down. Smile, don't grimace.

Something just happened....an opportunity. We get them in life...every single day. Most just don't recognize these oportunities.

From here on in, my "sorry" will be cheers, and hopefully, an opportunity. Make cheers your sorry. Reserve sorry, for due course and sincerity. It's still a good word.

Thoughts are welcome......penned in Lygenztia