Why is it the fairer sex has some deep rooted need to see her mate constantly in motion? Why aren’t we men allowed to sit still? Someone, please answer…please.
This is not a question for the ages, this is a new phenomenon. In the “old days” men enjoyed unlimited leisure which is the stuff of which modern day legends are made.
Not anymore.
The second that we sit down, it seems that our better half starts devising new, innovative, interesting ways that we could be spending our time. (this is fairly typical for Monday to Friday, but an absolute lock, stock and barrel guarantee for Saturday and Sunday..or whatever your days off happen to be)
It is vital to women that we not be idle for one moment, one second…or one minute. Again, I ask…why?
Do not dare to hit the couch for a Saturday afternoon. You will be met with a lovely invitation about 3 seconds after you lie down. Now, these “invitations” are always accompanied by an argument if the man does not capitulate to his lovely wife’s wishes.
Let’s run through some of these lovely, fun and oh so interesting “invitations”, shall we?
Wife “invitation” 1-“Hey, let’s go visit my mom and see the new collection of cat collars she got at a yard sale.”
Husband response 1-“Yes dear”. (wife smiles, you get dinner and sex that night)
Husband response 2-“Like hell I will..” (wife smiles, argument starts. Dinner is crappy. NO sex)
Wife “invitation” 2-“Hey let’s go for a drive to Home Depot, get some wood and build a 4000 square foot addition on our house”
Husband response 1-“Yes dear”. (wife smiles, you get dinner and sex that night)
Husband response 2-“Are you freaking crazy?” (wife smiles, argument starts. Dinner is crappy. NO sex)
Wife “invitation” 3-“Hey let’s go visit that old neighbour of my aunt’s at the nursing home. I know she’s in a coma, but she may sense our presence. You can tape game 7 of the Stanley Cup…can’t you?”
Husband response 1-“Yes dear”. (wife smiles, you get dinner and sex that night)
Husband response 2-“NO goddam way?” (wife smiles, argument starts. Dinner is crappy. NO sex)
Wife “invitation” 4-“Hey let’s go look at paint swatches for the dog house walls. I know we don’t have a dog house, but if we do…I want to know what colour to paint it.”
Husband response 1-“Yes dear”. (wife smiles, you get dinner and sex that night)
Husband response 2-insert sarcastic tone here..”oh goodie, that is a kick ass way to spend my sunday afteroon, maybe on the way home we can stop at the spa and get a mud bath?” (wife, who does not appreciate sarcasm, does NOT smile, argument starts. Dinner is crappy. NO sex..for a long time)
Now personally, I’ve learned over the years. I like sex. (I am no good at it, but I like it) So…my response is always “Husband response 1”. Many years ago, when in the throes of newlywed bliss, I would attempt to assert my authority by usually going with “Husband response 2”. Those were some lean times, I tell ya. (Strange though…through it all, we managed to have kids) If I applied my current logic to 15 years ago, I calculate that we would presently have 11 kids.
Now one piece of advice (warning) must accompany my recommendation that all men go with “Husband response 1”. These are hours of your life that you will never get back. Those “precious moments” spent at your mother in law’s watching home movies of her cat? Just consider them an investment in the future, my friend.
Because later on that night, you will eat and with a little luck…get lucky.
Idle time? Nah. Get off the couch.
No comments:
Post a Comment