(Lygenztia *33) Voltaire said...

..." I disagree with what you say, but will defend to the death your right to say it..."

This is not the exact translation, but you get the idea.
Confrontation, different ideas, different opinions quite often have positive outcomes.

The response to some of my blogs are very interesting. Usually, a private message response comes in two forms.
1) The reader agrees and relates their experience to me.
2) The reader disagrees, often apologetically.

The second type is the one that really fascinates me. It is OK if you disagree with what I write, because when you get right down to it..it's just the blathering of one person and their opinion. Just opinion...sprinkled with some experiences.

The responses that differ with my opinion are the ones that really make me think about what I wrote. The ones that agree, validate my opinion and observations and that makes me feel good.

I've learned in a very short time, that most people in a social/family context share the same experiences..it's just the cast of characters that differ.

It's a good thing to disagree with someone else's opinion, or observations,
as long as the basis for that disagreement is respectful and thought out.

Everyone dislikes the "contrarian". You know the type, they disagree with EVERYTHING that everyone else says....just for the sake of being difficult, or to share their "intellectual superiority" with the world. (*note* they always display their lack of "intellectual superiority", when they open their mouth.)

But, have you ever watched the person that disagrees, but makes others understand their opinion? It can be a work of art to watch.
Absolute magic.

Usually, it makes for some balance, a great exchange of ideas and an unexpected outcome. The person that can do this effectively usually is gifted with wisdom, some knowledge of the subject matter and...charisma. Because, they are convincing others to listen to them and hopefully....accept their opinion.

So, go ahead. Fire a shot across the bow...disagree with me.

It's your opinion....and I want to hear it.

(Lygenztia *32) "can you help me?" Yes...or no? hmmm

For whatever reason, I am "Joe fix it guy". Everyone seems to come to me with their problems and issues and most times through sheer luck, I am able to help, or resolve the issue. I am not sure why, but I have become the world's problem solver....and I guess that's a compliment.

But you know what really pisses me off sometimes? It never seems to come back my way....from SOME of them.

The people that I help the most...seem to be the ones that "forget" to include me and my family in events that we might like to attend. Or, they give things to people that they would never think of dropping off to me.

So, I am currently developing my own "assist others policy"...it is still in draft form. But it will go something like this.
Forget to include me and/or my family in an event?
You are off the help list, permanently. No reconsideration.
Forget to drop something off, or offer me some, when you have tons extra?
You are off the help list, for one year. That can be an oversight. An honest one, but an oversight, nonetheless.

We'll call it probation.

I enjoy helping people that truly are in need of assistance. There is some satisfaction in that. But, what I am sick of is the reliant, whiner types.

Assistance type 1)
Phone rings.."is Rodney there?"
" I need him to help me, I just burnt my toast and am not sure what to do"
Ummm...OK.

This is the same type of person that calls 3 times a week, with an "issue", or needing help.
Their "Issue" is in quotes..(my thoughts are in brackets)
"I can't find my keys"
(if you can't find them, how the hell am I supposed to?)
" I am out of butter"
(buy a cow..you'll never have that issue again)
"My neighbour keeps staring at my flower garden"
(flash him, he'll stop. Or look more..that one is a gamble)
"The batteries in my remote are dead"
(they don't sell them anymore in stores?????)
"I hate my job.."
(yes, I am also a Career Counsellor)
"do you know if traffic is heavy on Kingston road in Toronto?"
(hang on, i'll look out my window in Bowmanville, ya goof.)
"can you come over and move my inground pool 6 inches to the left? It is blocking my view of my new rose plants"
(oh hell ya...i am there. Like how big of a job can that be?)

So...OK ....and you would like me to do what about any of that? Pffhhtt...
These type of people are draining and to be avoided. Not disliked, but avoided. Thank you God, for call display.

Assistance type 2)
Best buddy Darren calls me from Oakville at 2AM and needs a ride home.
I am there, right away. Darren is the kind of guy that will get out of bed at 6AM and come help you, if you ask him to.

But here is the funny thing...
It kills Darren to ask for help. He always wants to solve his own issues himself. Darren invites you over for beer, etc. every single time you see him and gets mad if you bring beer to his house. Shouldn't we all be like that?

Now, I speak to the vox populi on this one folks. Here is my advice.
1)Ask for help, only when you really need it.
2) Repay help, in double.
3) Don't over use the people that help you. Because if you do, they will soon be subscribing to call display.

Let's all work to be "2's" people. Works for Darren.

(Lygenztia *31) "Man" clean???

A man's idea of cleaning the house is completely different than that of the fairer sex.

I try to help around the house, but damn this is complicated stuff. We have potions, lotions, cleansers, soaps, cloths, mops, swiffers, brooms, dusters, stove top cleaners, stove bottom cleaners, wire brushes and SOS pads. (we even have oils now, but I left that out, because there's something sexual about that)

You need to be a chemist to figure out what you use on what surface. But men do try to clean. Or, do we?

Ok, to start dirty clothes. We pick these up, fire them down the stairs and hope they magically come back upstairs, clean and folded. Women, they take them down in nice baskets, they separate them..put them in piles of some type and get out 3 different types of detergents.

Me? If I do the laundry..it ALL goes in together. I estimate I have ruined $3000.00 worth of clothing in the last 15 years.

Dishes? Hell, that's easy. Load 'em into the diswasher, turn it on and they wash themselves. Of course, if left to men...the clean dishes will sit in the dishwasher for 3 days after they have been cleaned. Men don't put them away...nooooo. We just take what we need out of the dishwasher to make a sandwich and leave the rest of the clean ones in there. (we'll get the rest..."later")

Then there is the clean up of the bedroom. We rock at this. We make the bed (forgetting to take the dirty sock out of the sheets) and leave about 1000 wrinkles in the "duvet". We see that we forgot a sock in the sheets, so we just push down on that part of the bed...so we don't have to re-lift the sheets. We take all the knick knacks that have accumulated on the top of the dresser and put them in our sock drawer. Problem solved. (Big stuff, we hide under the bed.)

Dusting? Get outta here. No man dusts. He will lie and say he did. He is lying. When we dust, the only thing we dust is the screen on the big screen tv, so we get a great picture of the Masters golf tournament, or hockey game. We have no clue how to dust. None. (we like that)

Vacuuming? Yes, we have this one covered too. Most modern vacuum cleaners have 10 attachments. Men use none. We will take the vacuum and try to jam the head of it into a spot that a mouse could not fit his nose in. But we push hard, break something on the vacuum and when our wives discover that its broken...we say.."Oh no, it came like that from the store."

Washing the floor? Yes..nice. We always do the same thing. We don't want to screw around too long with this.....so we put way too much cleaner in the water. We figure this will make the floor "extra clean" in no time. What it really does is makes the floor so slippery that it's like teflon, coated in 10W-40 AND grease. Elderly people throw out their back when they walk on this floor. But, it's "clean".

Windows. Funny story here. One year, the "magic cleaner" du jour was newspaper and vinegar. (we read it in a magazine or something) So, I go out to clean the windows and it ends up that the vinegar breaks down the ink and leaves black streaks all over the windows. What do I do? I leave them...thinking.."the rain will get that".So, we do try to help clean...we just don't pay quite as much attention to detail as the ladies do.

Which makes one wonder about the contradiction...it is odd that we struggle with cleaning the house (way too complicated for us), yet a mans car is so clean that you could eat off the floor of it.

But of course, that's "different".

(lygenztia *30) Intelligence vs. Wisdom

The two are not interchangeable. In fact, they are separate and distinct.

Intelligence, can be acquired. Through reading, observing, memory and experience we can acquire higher levels of intelligence. But, does this information make us more wise, or simply more learned?

Some of the smartest people I know, have very modest education. But, they have been blessed with wisdom. Wisdom is the power to observe, record, discern and make judgements of situations that are balanced, fair and reasonable.

Wisdom, is to see life through the prism of balance, versus the ignorance of intolerance.

I have no issue with intelligence, it is important. But, It CAN be acquired. Wisdom cannot..it is a gift. Usually bestowed on the patient, methodical thinker.

A person can memorize the periodic table of elements. They can memorize times tables. They can study a rat running around a maze....and write a report on it. But can they dissect what their fellow researcher really is thinking? Can they formulate their own opinion, independent of outside influences?

Wise..is to be able to understand what others are trying to communicate, because you understand the world yourself. This, requires you to think..independently and not rely on the ideas or pre-conceived knowledge of others.

Most of you have that "wise old Aunt or Uncle" that many in the family go to for advice. More times than not, they dispense that wisdom from a rocking chair. The chair, gives them time to think and keeps the balance. The pendulum...the motion, it finds the middle.

Education doesn't make you wise..anymore than holding a stick in your hand makes you a tree.

As you read this, I summarize with this observation....

If you're wise, you're smiling.

If you're intelligent, you're sneering.

Case proven.

(Lygenztia *29) Attractive threat syndrome

Ok, there is no clinical term for the phenomenon that I am going to describe, but based on my observations it could be a clinical diagnosis.

Women are funny. So are men, but when women are funny, they are funnier. Get it? hahahahaha..Ok, forget it.

Moving on....

Ever notice how married women, or those in committed relationships react when a "new" woman enters the social domain? It can be dramatic, especially if the "new" woman is attractive.For example, a couple are at a party together..formal function, everyone is looking good and having fun. In walks an unknown, very attractive woman in a low cut revealing dress. Women will instantly go close to their husband and touch them slightly, or at the very least pretend to be interested in them.

It's kinda like staking their claim.

But here is where it gets funny...(at least in my opinion) Laugh if you want, call me an ass if you want..the end result is the same.

Scenario

You and your wife are getting ready for a social function. Inevitbaly, you get impatient and get in an argument, because you feel she is taking too long. Or, she asked you the dreaded question.."does this make me look fat" and you gave what you thought was a funny, "witty" answer. (by the way, no sex for you tonite Casanova)

So, off you go to the social function not uttering one single word to eachother. Both of you staring straight ahead of the car windsheild, radio playing...no conversation. You get there, go your separate ways and engage in separate conversations. That is until, the attractive unknown woman enters....Here is your wife's reaction....she finds you with the speed of a sidewinder jet destroying missile. She grabs your arm, holds on with a great big smile and says something like...."oh dear, you are just so witty..did I tell you that you look so handsome tonite?"

She is holding on to you, like a pissed off lobster lobster clamping onto a newfy fishermans hand.

(5 minutes ago, she thought you were the biggest asshole in the room and that your only chance at sex that night...... was going to be alone, in the shower.)

It's a funny phenomenon, and I know most of the random observers out there have encountered it.

Funny thing is, the reverse is not true.

A couple are at a party together..formal function, everyone is looking good and having fun. In walks an unknown, very handsome man in a striking suit. Men? Hell we don't even notice. We're too busy looking at the food table. (hors dourves for the "refined") If we do meet the guy, we wonder if we have met him before, but aren't terribly concerned about it. We usually forget his name 5 seconds after he walks away, unless he sticks around for a beer or two and talks Hockey. Then, he is worth committing to memory.

Women..well, a tad different. They will want to know EVERYTHING about the "new attractive woman" and will discuss her with their friends. (discreetly)

"is she married?"

"where does she work?"

"does she have kids?"

"is she nice?"

"is she a bitch?"

"do you think they're real?"

They watch how she moves, how she eats, how she drinks, but most especially...how she talks to the other men...always assessing the potential attractive threat.

And a quick note for the guys out there. Take little notice of the "new attractive woman" and DO NOT go out of your way to enter into conversation with her. Or else, your night is going to end very badly.

Or, at the very least...in the shower. Alone.

(Lygenztia *28) Speaking of hypocrisy...and irony

....my hypocrisy knows no bounds.

I am a hypocrite. I have no issue with this and I can accept it. Some of my favourite observations of unbridled hypocrisy are as follows:

If you're anti-hunter...

You better be a strict vegan/vegetarian.

If you're anti-nuclear...

You better live in a cabin and light your place with candles.

If you're a racist...

You better be able to trace your lineage to the first known human. (plus, you're an asshole anyway)

If you are a strict environmentalist...

Your car better be a hybrid..better yet, you better not have a car.

If you go to church every week and look down on those that don't...

Your life better be an open book.

If you think Conservatives are all wrong...

You better be a good liberal.

If you think Liberals are all wrong...

You better be a good Conservative.

If you think Socialists (NDP) are all wrong....

Ya...you're right.

If you don't like the way someone disciplines their child (within reason, of course)..

Your kid better be perfect. I have yet to see a perfect kid.

If you don't like what your Teacher teaches your child...

Well, you better be a walking goddam Encyclopedia Brittanica.

If you dislike someone for their religion...

You better have had a live audience with God, at least once..to get the real goods.

If you mock someone for the way they walk...

You better have the grace of a professional ballerina.

If you mock someone for the way they look...

You better be the perfect human specimen.

If you mock someone for the way they dress...

You better be on the cover of Chatelaine magazine. (well, unless they are wearing something, really, really funny)

If you make fun of someone because of their financial status..

You better hope your wife doesn't clean you out and leave you living in a box.

If you drink too much...

Oh then...no problem. I have the same condition. (my hypocrisy???)

If you get jealous of your partners interaction with the opposite sex...

You better not have ever flirted with, or fantasized about someone else. Ever. Ya right, like that is possible.

If you think rifles and shotguns should be outlawed...

You better not own a baseball bat, pesticide, kitchen knife, fishing pole, skateboard, scissors, rope, car, truck, boat and your whole house has to be bubble wrapped.

If you think handguns should be outlawed....

I'm probably with you on that one. (my hypocrisy???)

If you think kids sports are too rough and won't let them play...

Then you better not let them hang upside down off the 20 foot high "jungle jim" you set up in your backyard...or play in the school yard (plus, you are sad)

If you think country music sucks....

You better be able to explain why you know the lyrics to so many Garth Brooks songs.

If you think your neighbours have bad diets...

You better do a better job of hiding the ice cream tubs and frozen pizza boxes in your recycle bin.

If you don't like the way I Coach....

You better have Coached AND won a Provincial Championship AND had ALL of your players AND parents loving you at the end.

If you think I am grumpy...Then, Mr. Happy, you better be a walking prozac pill.

Please feel free to comment and add YOUR favourite (or observed) hypocrite behaviour(s).

Cheers....

(Lygenztia *27) When kids are (or aren't) "fun"

Opinions definitely differ here from Mom to Dad.

Mom's will tell you that babies are fun.
"oooh, look they are so cute."
"oooh look, they just pooped..isn't that cute?"
"oooh look, they spit up...isn't that cute?"
"awww..nobody can projectile vomit like my little Johhny.."

They compare their baby with their friend's baby, all the while thinking to themselves that no matter what their friend says...their baby is superior in every way.For Mom's, this is the fun stuff. And that's a good thing. Nurturing and all that stuff...good parenting.

The funny thing is, Dad's don't quite see it the same way. We pretend to agree, we do our best to try to understand, but all we can really think is.."my gosh, how long do they do this for? How long till they can walk? Will they soon be able to play hockey?"

We don't see "fun" quite the same way. We see fun as a little less crying and a whole lot less pooping. Diapers and dad's..well they just aren't synonymous.Now, before the dad's start giving me the "hey arsehole, I changed diapers on MY kid.." thing, let me say this.

You did it..because you HAD to. Tell me any different and i'll tell you, you're full of beans. Here is the difference.

A mom changing a diaper.
-gets powder-gets nice clean diaper unfolded and ready
-gets nice clean, matching, clothes nicely unfolded and ready
-gets wet cloth ready
-gets baby in safe, clean area
-hums and sings to baby, while getting ready
-smiles at and talks to baby, while changing baby
-tickles baby when done and gives them a big hug-disposes of dirty diaper, properly, in a container
-puts dirty clothes in laundry

A dad changing a diaper
-waits till diaper weighs 21 pounds and hangs to baby's ankle
-props baby up on a telephone table
-takes off baby's clothes and diaper and drops diaper/dirt clothes on floor
-realizes he has no powder, clean diaper, wet cloths or clean clothes
-holds baby about 3 feet away with one hand, while covering his mouth with the other
-says "oh my god"...about 38 times (of course this is only an average)
-gags twice
-takes a quick glance at TV, to check score of game
-carries baby to get new diaper, etc. and gets poop all over his arm
-cleans baby and puts on new diaper
-puts old diaper under the bed and snickers to himself thinking, wait till she (his wife) finds this.....
-forgets to clean the poop off his arm
-does not pick up dirty clothes, doesn't think he has to
-sits on couch, with baby..smiles and says.."now wasn't that easy" and makes a funny face to baby.

Baby smiles, knows dad doesn't have a clue what the hell he is doing.

Dads will do the baby stuff, we just don't understand it and we certainly don't consider it fun. It's not that we don't enjoy our kids, we do. We just aren't sure why moms call some of the stuff..."fun".

Don't beleive me yet?

OK, answer me this. When is the last time that you ever saw, or heard of, a dad clipping his baby's fingernails?

A mom will do this, then call her friend to tell her, all the while smiling and telling her how cute it was.

Dads? Hell, we didn't even think you had to trim a baby's fingernails until they were 4.

We want to teach them how to ride bikes, catch a ball, catch frogs, chase girls with bugs. (of course we teach them that..where the heck do you think they got the idea?) Or the best yet, we teach our daughters exactly where to kick naughty boys.

For dads, that's the fun stuff.

(Lygenztia *26) The beauty of beer league

Beer league hockey is woven into the thread of the Canadian adult male fabric, so much so that it's stories are legendary. If you don't play, you are missing out.

(Women have discovered the fun and women's leagues are cropping up everywhere.)

I absolutely stink at hockey. I know it, my team-mates know it and they tolerate me. I have improved moderately, but the skill isn't really what keeps the beer league team together. It's what you bring to the table. Some, make great conversation in the dressing room and make the guys laugh. Some, never utter a word, but score and play like crazy.

Makes no difference to the Team, as long as you bring something to the table. Beer league is something I look forward to all week. It's my chance to make beleive that "I coulda been a contender" and have my "one last shot at glory".

Beer league has a "code" and the "code" becomes more and more clear, the older you get. If you know the "code', you understand. If you don't then you don't play hockey (beer league) and I couldn't explain it to you anyway.

Pros

1) Fun

2) Therapeutic

3) good exercise...good for your health

4) maintain social contact



Cons

1) grounds for divorce

2) potentially decreases work productivity

3) bad diet...bad for your health

4) potential for injury



To balance these line items..some of the Pros and Cons "cancel" eachother out.


Take for example..mmmm...1) Fun

Some men have too much fun, staying out all night and possibly taking up a "friendship" with the waitress. Uh, oh...Houston, we have a problem. Thus, Con 1) grounds for divorce. Also, add in Con 2)..because man, it is tough to be at your peak when you got in at 3:30AM and the good ole' work day starts at 6:00AM. Yipee...2.5 hours of quality sleep. Man, am I gonna plow through those e-mails today!

2) Therapeutic....we go to hockey and complain about our jobs and wives. We love to complain, because we love both. (jobs and wives) By complaining and making it public, you are only re-affirming that you love these things. Because if you didn't give a shit, you wouldn't talk about them. It's such a great way to let everything out in a non-threatening atmosphere.

The other nite, I was getting over a bout of the flu and played probably the worst game I had played in my life. I felt awful, cause it was a playoff game and I didn't help the Team and I felt awful cause I still had stomach cramps. I didn't even drink my beer...which for me is grounds for psychiatric evaluation. So, one of the guys comes over to me and says.."hey roddie, you alright?" Pretty cool...because that's what team mates do.

In any other environment..it would go something like this:

Guy 1-"Hey Max, what's wrong with Pete?"

Guy2-"What the hell do I look like, a Doctor? What do I give a shit?"

Not so, the beer league.


3) Good exercise...good for your health

Hmmm...debatable. Some men, do no physical exercise, other than hockey and yet play their ass off..totally disregarding the fact that thier body is saying..."hey idiot, slow down..you're not 20 anymore...the lungs and heart can't keep up". You look at your team mate on the bench, who is sweating profusely, having trouble breathing and has the facial colour of a late fall cherry...and say..."hey Pete, you OK?"

Answer-"pant, pant..hell ya, never better..i'm on next shift...pant, pant."

And to justify playing (to our wives) we say.."it's good exercise". Funny thing....we burn maybe 600-800 calories in game. Then, we go to the bar drink beer, eat wings and take in about 90,000 calories...just before bed. But in our minds, we are staying healthy. To me, it's a great trade off...well worth it.

4) Potential for injury

Some men (not me) will call in sick to work if their hair is sore. Yet, we will play hockey with a broken finger, or separated shoulder. We won't go on the roof and clean out the eavestrough because we"don't want to get hurt" and are "too valuable to our employer". Yet, we wil charge head first into the boards at full speed, to get the puck first. (But, that's different)

Possibly, the most humorous part of beer league is the husband/wife interaction after the game. One of my favourite things to do, is wake my wife up at 2:00AM from a dead sleep and tell her about the great pass I made. I have to tell her about the pass, because I never score. (Oh ya, she loves that about me)

We tell them about the game, they are pretending to listen..but thinking about painting the kitchen. They tell us about painting the kitchen and we pretend to listen and help "pick colours", but we're thinking about hockey.

Sometimes... I bitch about the "loss". Get home, mope around and grump about the loss, mumbling "stupid hockey..never playing again". My wife pulls the covers over her head and mutters .."yes dear"....and giggles to herself.

She knows full well that on the next game day, I will be up at 5:30AM, checking my equipment...for an 11:30PM game that night.


Gotta be ready, this is beer league. Big game tonite!

(Lygenztia *25) Environmental "activists"..or hypocrites?

Foreword"cause celebre" defined ..." is an issue or incident typically arousing widespread controversy... outside campaigning and heated public debate."

On to the Lygenztia........

I watched with interest a couple of recent environmental campaigns in my hometown, some with a global scope. Environmental campaigns are good, they raise awareness..make people think and generally bring issues to the fore of the social conscience. (concious too???)

Now before you go getting all in a dither, I am in full favour of environmental causes. Who the hell in their right mind isn't?

But the cause, doesn't always seem to have the duration of the ensuing cleanup. The effort and planning seem to be very intense for the event and awareness..but then the subsequent cleanup, well, they don't have "time" for that, because they have moved onto another "cause celebre".

Am I the only one seeing the irony here?

Example 1

We had a protest against a Walmart opening..labour issues, competiton and EXCESSIVE PACKAGING were some of the issues...and good issues to talk about, too. So, they posted signs all around town to make people aware of the "cause celebre" and the meeting.But guess what? They didn't take down, or clean up all of their old signs. The town workers had to do it. Doesn't that kind of fly in the face of the "excessive packaging" issue?

Great issue, but lead by example.

Example 2

Earth Hour was a great event. Not sure that it had any discernible effect on the environment, but it sure got people thinking and it became another "cause celebre". If anything, it brought communities closer together and I suspect, will cause a baby boom approximately 9 months from Earth Hour.

Signs everywhere..including a large placard taped on a beautiful, old maple tree behind my house. You guessed it, signs were left up all over the place and guess who ended up taking them down? Town staff.

They ended up damaging the fragile spring bark (see photo) when attaching the sign. To add to this, the gobs of tape left on this maple could potentialy damage the tree's bark and health further. I removed it, because I love this old tree. I wouldn't chain myself to it, or anything silly like that, but I sure would be upset if it were to be cut down...or die of negligence. It has provided me with plenty of friendly shade for me to drink beer under.

If the awareness of the campaign causes environmental damage....does the end justify the means?

The energy placed into awareness has to equal the effort put into the subsequent cleanup, or your cause is nothing but hypocrisy of the worst kind...and they have no credibility whatsoever.

(Lygenztia *24) Can't guys have the keys for just a while?

Women are generally recognized as the sex gatekeepers. Let's face it, they hold the key that opens the door. It sure as hell isn't men.

Women, (God bless 'em) dictate when and if sex will happen. They hold the key to the locked gate. Not men, not ever.

Women, are in complete control of that particular part of nature. And do you know why?

I do.

It's so stuff will get done.

That key is what keeps most men focused on the task at hand. See to the tasks and you get to borrow the key. Don't perform the alloted tasks...and you aren't getting anywhere near that key. Guaranteed.

As much as I piss and moan, it's likely a good thing. A way of keeping things in motion and progressing, so to speak. The architect behind the Eiffel Tower, for instance. I bet the conversation went something like this:
Husband-"aw, please..just a little..c'mon, you know I love you."
Wife-"You just get those plans done for the Tower, then we'll see."

Michael Angelo when he painted the roof of the Cistine Chapel, for example:
Husband-"Dear, can you rub my neck a little? It's tough painting in awkward positions all day"
Wife-"Yes, but don't you try any funny business, you got a ceiling to paint mister...finish it, then we'll see"

Women, whether married or single...hold the key.

A single woman goes to a bar, or social function and it's easy! They can dicate the terms, frequency, location....even style. Cause they have the key. Men, on the other hand..have to beg, try to be charming, hope beyond hope and pray...or at the very least try to "trick you". We suck at that, even though we think we are good at it.

On a funny note....alcohol can vastly increase the likelihood of the key being produced. Alcohol doesn't usually cause a woman to give a key to someone she would not normally have given it to. BUT, it can cause a woman to produce it much, much quicker to someone she was going to give the key to anyway.

Married women are masters at keeping the location to the key hidden. They tend to get the keys out the most when they are being treated well, being paid attention to and made to feel good. Stray from that line and mister, you aren't getting anywhere close to that gate, you ain't seeing the keys and even the safe cracker that did the great train robbery of the early 1900's can't help you open that gate.

Could you imagine if it was men that held the key?
The world would be over populated by about 200 times what it is now. Maybe 300.

(Lygentzia *23) The face tells all...good or bad.

If you watch people, you can generally tell everything about their current frame of mind and personality, based on their facial expression..when walking or sitting alone. Alone is an important disinction to be made, because typically that is when a person is wrestling with their inner thoughts. (for the unedcuated masses, that means.."what you are REALLY thinking and how you REALLY feel")

Driving does not count, because people feel a sense of surrounding and security when driving. Well, except the incompetent drivers who are terrified to be behind the wheel and reak havoc on our roads. Most people, when driving don't usually open the window to their psyche to others. Again, except if they are freaking out in road rage and exposing that they really are an asshole.

OK, so let's run through the faces...I know you have all seen them, but next time..look a little closer.

Face 1-The "tough guy or girl"

Ok, you know this one. They walk in public with a big scowl on their face, just daring some poor bugger to "mess with them", so they can "mess them up". Yes, how appropriate....go out in public hoping to fight with a perfect stranger because they "messed with you". Good show....perhaps you can go and intimidate your grandmother into an extra helping of ham at Easter. They always have this saying too..."ain't nobody gonna f**k with me.." Well, you know what asshole? I am pretty sure nobody wants to "go you" in the line up at Dairy Queen. (Their face also contorts like a circus clown if the voice in the speaker at the Wendy's drive thru "disses" them)

Face 2-The smiling idiot

OK, smiling is good. Smiling is nice, smiling is what the "normals" do. But there is clearly a line here to be drawn. There is a huge difference bewteen a "content with life smile" and a blithering idiot smiling hysterically, hoping people will notice them smiling. It's like they need to be validated by others that they are "happy and smiling". Which, if that is the case, means they are obviously not happy and should not be smiling. This type of person is smiling hysterically, because someone ELSE told them to, so like a sheep they follow. You know, like those bloddy morons that come knocking on your door on saturday morning trying to "save" or "convert" you. These freaking weirdos creep me out, their smiles are like painted on faces, or the smile of the Joker in Batman. Ya, real natural.

Face 3-The scared of life person

These ones are worth some serious thought. You see them, they get nervous at a cross walk, or traffic light. They are so lacking in confidence that they can't even make eye contact with the little white man that says walk. You've seen them in the grocery store line ups. The "scared of life person" stares at the floor, 40 feet back from any line up...hoping that they somehow make it into a line up, without actually having to be near another person. When they go the bank they can't even tell the teller what they want to do, the teller just has to guess. Waiters and waitresses love these ones too...when they are trying to take the persons order, the "Scared of life person" just don't know, or aren't sure. They are afraid to order anything with meat just in case the waiter is a vegetarian. How they get by life is beyond me, but luckily, it is usually through the kindness of others.

Face 4-The freakin psycho

Ok, tell me you haven't seen this dude. (and let's face it, it's always a guy)This is the guy with "the look". You know "the look", he looks like at any given moment, he is gonna pull out a shotgun and dust everyone in the mall. These are scary people and what makes them scary is that they aren't trying to look scary, you just know from their face...that they are. Everybody instinctively stays away from this guy..perhaps because he is wearing army fatigues and a shirt with a happy face that has a bullet hole in its forehead. Oddly enough, these freaks attract other freaks...must be a stange inner magnet...or the look on their face.

Face 5-The "stoner"

These ones are funny. They just look like they are right out to lunch, oblivious to the whole world. The eyes are like two little lines of thread, or they are WIDE open, staring into space. Nothing changes their blank facial expression. Nothing. A plane could crash beside them and they likely wouldn't notice. Chances are good that they are wearing an iPod. They may not be stoned, but they just don't quite look like they are sharing the same planet as the rest of us. You say hi to them and the response is inevitably "huh". OK, here's a clue stoner, I said "hi". I'll let you in on a secret. It's how about 99% of the english speaking human race greet eachother.

Face 6-The determined "important" walker.

These guys actually make me laugh. You almost always seem that at lunch, walking briskly..looking very serious. They are in a big hurry, they want the world to know that they are important. The determined "important" walker is closing big deals and he needs to get back to his office and keep the economy rolling you know. Get outta my way, this is big business! In reality, this jerk is a file clerk and doesn't have an office, a cubicle, or even a work space. Nothing wrong with being a file clerk, but posing as 'big time", when you aren't...well that's just messed up. Coincidentally, this guy is usually talking on his cell phone loudly and making all kinds of disgusted facial expressions. He is trying to convey that no-one can do it as good as him...."you need me there". In reality, he is talking to his mother and she is reminding him to clean his room..ooops, I meant his "basement apartment" in his mommy's house.

Face 7-The ponderer

I like this one. You can tell they are really, really deep in thought. They have a look about their face like Spock in Star trek, with one eyebrow raised. They are still on this planet, but darn it...something is on their mind. The ponderer is usually pursing their lips slightly, which is a giveway that they are pondering, of course. But, the rest of their face is serene and calm.

Watch the face, it's the gateway to the soul.

(11-April-08) related link:

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/afp/080409/world/science_britain_sex