(*EDITOR'S NOTE: This is not a "typical" Lygenztia, but it is a subject that I have always wondered about. Take it or leave it...I promise the next edition will be "funny")
Onward and anon.....
Everyone hates funerals. That is a fact.
But I have always thought about why we cry at certain times. I recall one funeral in particular that I attended, was very sad..as they always are. But this one, was the passing of a child. She was loved by everyone and losing her was as painful and tragic an experience as anyone could endure.
During the visitation, I had it together for awhile, speaking calmly to family and loved ones. But then, a strange thing happened. A co-worker of mine came in and the moment I saw him, we both broke into tears and became extremely upset.
Recently, I attended a visitation for a friend's father. I have not seen this person in quite a while and we do not "hang out" anymore. It's not that there is anything wrong...it's just the natural progression of life.
I walked in alone and saw him conversing pleasantly with another person, even smiling a bit. I watched him for a bit, from afar..waiting for a good time to approach. The moment he saw me, he became upset and teary. I felt awful, because I felt responsible for his relapse into pain. That hurt...because I did not want to cause him any further suffering.
But did I? Or did my friend, when I saw him in the reverse situation?
I've thought about this, asked a few people for their opinion and the best that I can come up with is the distance factor. I think sometimes that the further removed the visitor, or well wisher is from the situation, the more we appreciate their support in our time of pain. You could say, the person is touched by your concern for them...even though the ties that bind, have loosened over time.
I have watched people reading a eulogy, in perfect composure, calm and collected. But then, something will strike a chord in their heart. A great memory, will invoke the most severe pain and anguish. My Uncle Danny is an ordained Minister and is also a man that I have great admiration for. He is an absolute pillar in times of pain and known for his stalwart, compassionate composure.
Uncle Danny read my Aunt Cheryle's (his sister) eulogy and was very calm, soothing and enlightening. Until he came to a part that involved one of his best memories of his sister. At that point, he lost his composure and every single person in the room wanted to get up and hug him. To see Danny weeping and in great pain, served to put perspective on this loss, for him and all of our family.
So, there is the great paradox. The best memories, are the most painful to deal with in the moment....therefore, we cry.
The best memories, over time, become easier to deal with and carry us off to a very happy place. The problem is, when we return from that place, we typically are sad for awhile. But that's OK too....as long as you remember.
As I write this, I look out my window at a tiny tree. It's my "Cheryle tree", at her funeral, we each got one to take home to plant, in her honour.
Strange thing, looking at it....the Cheryle tree made me cry. But, it sure felt good to remember.
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