Ugh...goddam lottery junkies.
These poor, weak, misguided, tormented souls cling to their fix, like lions on raw pork. The odds are 79 bazillion to one...but ya, this could be your week. Sure.
Don't get me wrong, lotteries are fun and I buy the odd ticket. But, they are just that....fun. I plan to keep buying the odd ticket....you never know. (Did I tell you I won a 42" flat screen Sony Bravia TV???) Buy a ticket and live the dream...think of all the people that you would help and all the people you would screw over. (Be honest, we ALL do that.)
But, the lottery junkie is usually someone of modest intelligence that uses this as their retirement plan.
They have it alll figured out. Thinking to themselves...."if I buy $100 worth of tickets a month (some of these poor buggers that's $100/per week)....my odds will be mmmm....78.993 bazillion to one. Hey, I like those odds!
Now, I am not an accountant, or a "numbers guy", but I know this much. The odds are that if you were to take that $100/month and invest it, you would be further ahead in 30 years than if you purchased only lottery tickets.
Ever go to the "convenience store" and a lottery junkie is in line ahead of you? It's not the fault of the store...you just got unlucky and got behind a lotto junkie. You might as well put your prospective purchases back and find another store without a lottery junkie. It will be quicker, I guarantee it.
It goes like this...they pull out 3 or 4 of those blue plastic ticket holder folders. Each one is nicely arranged and they KNOW which ticket won and which one did not. But they still want the clerk to check all of the losing tickets. (just in case) That's not so bad, because we all have to check our tickets, fair enough.
Its what happens next that is bizzare. They want to purchase more tickets from winning tickets, as well as cash on hand. But, there is always some bizzare formula...I don't know if its superstition, a "magic formula", or advice from some book they bought off the internet titled..."Guaranteed strategy to win the lottery". (Hee hee hee, they paid like 50 bucks for this book.....SUCKER!!)
Funny thing, I was not aware that there were "guaranteed strategies" for winning, when playing against the completely random drawing of numbers? But then again, as previously mentioned, I am not a "numbers guy". (or a SUCKER)
Here is the conversation with the clerk....
Lotto junkie-"can you check these please?" (produces pouch one)
Clerk-"sorry sir...no winners"
Lotto junkie-"can you check these please?" (produces pouch two)
Clerk-"sorry sir...no winners"
lotto junkie-"can you check these please?" (produces pouch three)
Clerk-"sorry sir...no winners"
lotto junkie-"these are winners" (produces pouch four)
Clerk-"you've won 20 dollars and three free tickets"
(Thus far, about 9 minutes have transpired and 13 people are line behind you.)
This is where it gets interesting. The lotto junkie takes 80 bucks out his wallet, being very careful not to mix it with the winning money...arranging the money in strange piles in front of the blue pouches.
Now, I am at a loss here, because I cannot even begin to explain the bizzare, mind numbing, endless, nonsensical requests they make of the clerk and the infinite combinations of ticket purchase requests that they make.
At this point, 6-10 more minutes have elapsed.
The milk that I grabbed from the cooler is now sour from the unrefrigerated time that has elpased. But on the upside, the lotto junkie is one step closer to bazillionaire status...and retirement.
Now that, is convenience.
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