Why do I answer that rotten device, that we call a phone? Why?
I have trained myself to look at the call display, and answer based solely on the number I see.
But, it's almost never for me.
So, rather than let it ring, like an idiot I pick it up. This is where I go (partially) insane.
For instance, the phone rings in the other room. I get up from what I am doing and walk past Cameron, who is laying on the couch, watching TV.
Me-"Hello?"
Caller-"Is Cameron there?"
Me-"Just a second please."
So, I walk the phone over to Cameron and hand it to him and go back about my business in the other room. Phew, what a relief! The boy didn't have to extend any effort and got to stay inert for another 30 minutes. Gosh, glad I didn't make him get up and answer the phone that was for HIM! Sheesh, good thing I got up and got the phone for him, he might have called Children's Aid on me.
One of my favourite callers is one that calls for my son and says nothing. He is hilarious.
Me-"Hello?"
Caller-"Hello."
Me-"Hello?"
Caller-"Hello."
Notice, how my hello is framed as a question, or a greeting? His, is framed as a statement. But help me here buddy, you need to say something...If I allowed this to carry on, we would go on infinitely...
Me-"Hello?"
Caller-"Hello."
Me-"Hello?"
Caller-"Hello."
Me-"Hello?"
Caller-"Hello."
ad infinitum.....
Actually, he is a pretty funny kid and I think he does it intentionally just to get me going. (it works)
Then, the calls for Emily. Either very serious or endless giggling at the other end. You can tell what a conversation between 2 teenage girls is going to be like, just by their tone, when you answer the phone.
The first type is the "very serious caller".
Me-"Hello?"
Caller-"Yes, can I speak to Emily please?" (sounding very determined and speaking quickly) These calls are meant specifically to address the pressing and ever important social issues of the day, which will have far reaching social repurcussions. To interrupt this conversation, is to upset the equilibrium of the entire universe.
The second type..is the "giggly type."
Me-"Hello?"
Caller-"tee hee, Can I...hee hee...please....tee hee...talk with....hee hee hee...Emily?" (and you can always hear someone in the background laughing that the caller is swatting in the air at, to make them stop.)
I actually enjoy these calls, because the laughter is infectious and I usually start to giggle too. (OK, Alexander Graham Bell, you get a pass on this one)
Our phone rings constantly, almost always for the kids. Unreal, at times. It can stress me out.
But, when it rings for me..guess what? The kids look at the call display and let 'er ring. Answer a call that's not for them? Pffhht...not likely.
The telemarketer can really make you hate the phone too. Here's what I want to know...do they really sell their junk off the phone? Do people really buy a product or service, sight unseen, based on a telemarketer call from a call centre in New Brunswick, or India? (both fantastic places..but c'mon at least be in the same time zome as the person you are calling.)
Here is what I like to do....if a telemarketer is able to circumvent our rigid call screening process, I play with them. Nothing mean, but I take it as my opportunity for 5-10 minutes (potentially more) of personal entertainment.
I ask insane questions of the marketer and wonder if they will hang up.
For example..
"Do you know how long the line up is at Tim Hortons in Kirkland Lake?"
"Can you reset my hotmail password?"
"Are the washrooms clean where you work?"
"I have a sore groin..what do you recommend?"
"Is it night or day where you are?"
"Do you know how to program my DVD player?"
" I bought a new hockey stick...guess what colour it is.."
"Do you like Monopoly?"
I press them for answers and don't accept a plain old.."no, Iam sorry..I don't".
My wife will eventually ask me who I am talking to and I answer..."I dunno, but they seem nice." She tells me to get off the phone and leave the poor soul alone. (she is nicer than me) This call almosyt always ends well, the telemarketer has had their laugh for the day and a temporary escape from the workday. It's a win-win!
If they get all jerky and start to mess with my happy mojo...I give them a dirty. I say something like this...(REMEMBER, they started it, NOT ME!)
"Hey, I am really interested...but I gotta let my dogs in..can you hold?"
They ALWAYS hold on, because they wanna "close the deal". (that's sales talk eh)
So, I go away for about 15 minutes, then come back. UNREAL..they are still there. Then I say...hang on, I gotta check on my pigeons. 10 minutes later I come back and they are STILL there. The cycle continues until I tire of the game and move on to other pursuits.
Phones are good, they have their place. Just wish that the place wasn't in my home.
I prefer to yell out my window.
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