(lygenztia *46) Why does "The Beer Store" advertise?

The competition to the Beer Store would be???????

Driving home, I was listening to an ad for "The Beer Store" and they were extolling the virtues of the cold, fresh beer they sell. Excellent, I am a regular customer.

But why advertise? Why not cancel the marketing budget and lower the price? The various breweries advertise their own products. (and excellent products they are, should they be looking for a consumer tester)

Here in Ontario, you can buy beer at the following:
1) The beer store
2) "Agency Stores" (usually set up in retail stores in small/remote communities
3) The LCBO (Note: Liqour CONTROL Board Ontario...you need to be "controlled" when considering drinking the hard stuff, you know)
4) The actual brewery itself in the retail/storefront area (Tours are a hoot, and I highly recommend them)

So, let's peruse the options, shall we?

1) The Beer Store
I live in a Town of over 80,000 people and we have one Beer Store. One. For a population of 80,000. One. Guess what it's like there on a Friday night, Saturday, Sunday from May to September?

Let's just say, bring a lawn chair because on any given time, during those days...you will meet about 20 percent of the population...in the line up.

Also, if you look at the photo I took of "my" Beer Store" you'll see U.S. Embassy style concrete security posts. These are to prevent people from driving through the front window, which they have been known to do..from time to time. (that's a fact) I guess they must have "missed" the front of the building and the line up of 4000 or so people.

Then, there is the "guy" and it is ALWAYS a "guy", that has a garbage bag full of empties, that he wants to redeem so he can buy a big can of "Colt .45". Nobody wants to get too close to, or talk to this "guy". He smells funny and has wonderful conversations with the 3 invisible people beside him.

The staff, to their credit and all this lunacy are friendly and efficient. I have no quarrel with them and they work hard for the money.

2) "Agency Store"
Now, there is one of these that is very close to me and it is quick and easy. Almost never busy..decent selection. (C'mon it's beer) It is usually quicker for me to drive the 10 minutes to get there, grab my beer and get home, than it is for me to go to the Beer Store that is 3.5 minutes (literally..i've timed it..) from my home.

I'll be damned if I tell you where it is. A CIA operative with training in torture confessions couldn't get it out of me. It is my secret and those of us that know....well, we just sit back and smile.

3) The "LCBO"
The name says it all....the Liquor CONTROL Board of Ontario. Damn, they need to CONTROL you, 'cause you drink too much of the hard stuff and you might put on a lampshade and pee in the neighbours rose bush when he isn't looking. (I know people that have done this)

So, why can you buy beer at the LCBO, but you can't buy liqour at the beer store? Unless it's malt liquor, then you can get it at the beer store..but you can buy liquor in an "Agency Store"..but only at restricted hours? Or is it the other way around? They sell wine in Wine Outlets, but not liqour. But, you can buy wine at the Liquor Store? But, if you are at an Estate Winery, you can buy high alcohol content wine...but only during the hours of...or wait, was it only at non-estate wineries?

No wonder the LCBO sells Whiskey, you need a drink just to understand how it all works. (Whiskey makes everything clearer...)

4) The brewery itself
An option, but hardly convenient..unless you live close. Most offer tours that are alot of fun and end up at the...YOU GUESSED IT..retail section, where they sell beer! Yay! I have witnessed the production of the nectar of the gods, now..I shall take some home. Cool...but again...not a convenient way to meet the needs of the consumer.

The time has come to open the market. We're big boys and girls here in Ontario. In Quebec...a few short hours away, you can buy alcohol at retail stores.

I am pretty sure that their society has not collapsed....and best of all, they sell beer in QUARTS.

Now that, is progress.

(lygenztia *45) “Big” town? How about bumpkinville?

So, we have a great new pizza joint in Bowmanville, “Little Ceasar’s Pizza”. This pizza joint gainfully employs a ton of young people. Young people, learning responsibility, contributing to society, paying taxes, contributing to the economy and staying off the streets and out of trouble.

One of their business tactics is to have their employees wave placards and signs to traffic, hoping to attract potential customers. Great concept. Fun concept. Harmless. Yes?

Well, not according to the “Town” staff. Little Ceasar’s were ordered to stop this practice, as they were distracting traffic? What a joke. What a pathetic, backwater, hick-town, backwards, embarrassing approach.

So lets’ see…they advertise in this manner in..Oshawa, Whitby, Ajax, Pickering, Toronto and other neighbouring communities. But, you see, in Bowmanville, we are not ready for this yet. We can’t handle it…we’re just not big enough yet. We may crash our cars, if we see some “new fangled, big city sign”.

Can you imagine the chaos? “Goodness Mildred, it’s a youngster advertising pizza with an orange sign! Hold on..i’m not sure I can keep control of the car.” That sounds completely preposterous and it is, but the position of the Town is equally preposterous.

The Town has no problem hanging massive banners advertising community events over our roadways. What is the difference? Are you telling me that they do not provide a “visual distraction”, just like billboards, roadsigns, birds, cellphones, other cars, buildings..etc. etc. etc?. The events that are advertised on the banners are great, don’t get me wrong…..I love the community events and I see the value.

But I also see the value of free enterprise and gainfully employed young people in our community.

The position of the Town in this matter is borderline ridiculous, patronizing to the commuter’s intelligence and hypocritical.

It makes one wonder, was this driven by Little Ceasar’s competition, or concerned citizens?

(lygenztia *44) Price check on 4

OK, let me start by saying that I think that Zellers offers quality products at great prices. You never know what kind of treasures you’ll find there. (I say that, mostly so Zellers won’t sue me and, because I believe it.)

What drives me crazy is the “Bowmanville Zellers phenomenon”. I have shopped at other Zellers locations and it seems they are not afflicted by the “Bowmanville Zellers phenomenon”. Let me explain……

Whenever I/we go there, we always find what we are looking for and are happy with the item prices. But, when you go to pay for them, is when the disconnect begins. There are at least 10 cashier/check out areas. Inevitably, there are only a few open and the line ups are loooong.

Every single time.

I have never walked into the Bowmanville Zellers, picked my purchase, cashed out and went home. It is always a test of “iron man”, or triathalon type endurance. You have to jockey around, darting in and out looking for the “quickest” line. And that, is just the physical component, then…there is the mental stamina to be able to endure the mind-numbing trauma that is inevitably taking place with the people that are at the check out.

You see, it is not always Zellers fault…the “consumer” can pose some pretty distinct challenges to the cashier. (who is probably somewhere around minimum wage and just hoping to get home soon to their family/friends)

Consumer pain in the ass-Type 1
They get up to the check out and put their glasses on. If you see this, you know you are in trouble and are in for a wait. They scan the check out display with the razor eyes of an eagle, just waiting to pounce if even one item is incorrectly priced by ten cents. So, inevitably (because they took the item out of the wrong bin, or misread the sale sign), this comment comes….”oh, excuse me..I think that was $1.29 and not $1.39.” Oh, for crying out loud…here we go . “Price check on 4” is the next call on the PA system.

So, everyone waits, while someone goes to check only to find out the price is correct. The pain in the ass consumer grumbles and wants to speak to the Manager. I always think to myself…”Tell you what buddy, how be I give you 50 cents, you can cash the hell out and you’ll be up 40 cents and then I can get the hell out of here.” The Manager can never placate this type of person, no matter how hard they try.

Consumer pain in the ass-Type 2
They go shopping, buy enough stuff to supply the victims of the Chinese earthquakes and want to pay by debit. The only problem is, they have no money in the bank, so the transaction won’t go through. So, they swipe and enter, swipe and enter..etc. hoping to “fool” or “trick” Interac into thinking they really do have money in the account. The same goes for the rejected credit card. The comment is always the same…”I don’t understand, I just paid my bill…”

Well, of course you did. They always go around cutting off credit card privileges to account holders in good standing. Bored people that work the credit card companies do it just for shits and giggles. (Hint, pay your bill.)

Consumer pain in the ass-Type 3
They want to pay in a combination of pennies, interac and pesos and need 9 different receipts for 10 items. You know the type…there is no real reason for it. They are just bored and have no life, so they figure they will kill a few hours messing with the cashiers mind and trying to engage in some type of conversation with someone…anyone.

So, the moral of the story (if there is one) is don’t be that guy/girl. Be nice in line….treat the cashier nice, if you think something is priced wrong. Chances are, you messed up and you are not sticking it to the big corporations, by giving the gears to some 16 year old girl that has only been working there for 4 weeks.

If you are that upset about the price at the check out, don’t buy the goddam thing.

Now, we can’t let Zellers totally off the hook here. Please, please, please when you have your clearance sales, make sure the items are tagged correctly. It doesn’t matter if they fell in the wrong bin, if the price is right on the item.

And for gosh sakes…put on some more cashiers. I have to buy some marshmallows, you know.

(Lygenztia *43) 2 bucks. 2 Lousy bucks.

Unfortunately, I had the occasion to use the Urgent Care Clinic today for an ailment that required tending.

Let me start by saying that I think that our health care system is fantastic. Any time that my family, or myself have required the use of our health care system, we have received excellent, timely service.

However, it should be said that save for a few serious incidents, we have been blessed with good health. We do not hang out at hospitals and clinics in a desperate attempt for attention, nor do we try to "outdo" the ailments of our friends and family. (I'll see your lactose intolerance and raise you a sugar induced migraine)

Don't even get me started on these "lactose intolerant" dweebs. For crying out loud, 20 years ago..this didn't even exist because people were tougher. Now though, it's "vogue" to be at a social or family gathering and declare that you are "lactose intolerant". It's their pathetic way of gaining attention, drawing attention away from the main event and having everyone sigh and say..."oh poor Mrs. X, she can never have yogurt again" Boo friggin hoo.

By the way, "lactose intolerants" almost exclusively fall into two distinct categories:
1) incessantly whiny, complaining women that nobody likes to be around and are ALWAYS "sick".
2) Very feminine men.

Gosh, gotta get back on topic.....

It is a great concept, the urgent care clinic...keeps the Emergency Department relatively free for the seriously ill, or injured. But, here's the observation...

Canadians bitch about two things....the weather and health care, in that order.

So, you go into our fantastic Urgent Care Clinic, get totally "FREE", excellent care and what do they ask for in return? 2 bucks for parking. 2 lousy bucks.
I tip my paperboy (actually, he's a retiree) more than 2 bucks.

This is what absolutely irks me, the citizens of our fine town will clog the Beer Store parking lot and the mall parking lot(s) across the street and sneak into the Doctors spots, to save 2 bucks. 2 lousy bucks. You are about to receive care that is going to likely cost the taxpayer in excess of $200-$250.00. So what do some of these cheap, rotten, irresponsible jerks do? They "stick it to the man" for 2 bucks. 2 lousy bucks.

But, do you know who these jerks are sticking it to? Themselves....and the rest of us. Newsflash! Health care is not "FREE". In the end, we all pay through taxes and associated user fees. But, it's still a great deal.

I watched these bloody deadbeat fools...some getting out of their car in the Beer Store parking lot, walking around their car a bit, then darting across the street, once the coast was clear and "nobody was looking". 2 bucks. 2 lousy bucks.

The idiots at the mall? Even more pathetic. They get out of their car, then proceed to "window shop" all the while inching their way to the intersection, so they can bolt across the street, when the coast is clear. 2 bucks. 2 lousy bucks.

The worst, was one dumbass that pullled up in a van and parked in one of the spots reserved for Doctors. Now don't go giving me the "how do you know he wasn't a Doctor routine". This friggin hillbilly had three months worth of garbage in the front seat of his van. He also had a deck of "smokes" in the pocket of his soiled t-shirt, along with enough grease in his hair to lubricate 3 bulldozers. And Doctors don't put bumper stickers on their vans that say:
"If this van is rocking, don't bother knocking"

No, a Doctor he was not.

But he pissed off a Doctor that owned that spot, when the Doctor arrived to care for people and right now Doctors are in short supply. (Unfortunately, greasy haired, tobacco chawing hillbillies are not....) 2 bucks. 2 lousy bucks.

So, if you are going to use the clinic, park there and pony up the 2 bucks people. Leave the spots in the Mall and Beer Store for people that are actually conducting commerce and not freeloading.

In this case, I have a solution...in addition to my observations. Hire a private parking firm to monitor the parking lots on an intermittent "spot check" basis. Maybe, one or two unnanounced days a week.

Anyone who parks in the Mall, or Beer Store then heads directly to the clinic? Put a tire clamp on their car, like they do in New York City. The cost to have the clamp removed?
100 bucks in total, to be divided as follows:
-50 bucks to the parking firm, for services rendered.
-48 bucks, to be donated to the Urgent Care clinic.
-2 bucks to be put in the parking machine, while they take your picture and then post it on the wall at the clinic.

2 bucks. 2 lousy bucks.

(lygenztia *42) detour? goat path? riverboat? I need a helicopter

Jumpin fish!

Can anyone show me a road, or highway that is not under construction, or blocked due to an "accident", parade or special event?

It is getting impossible to get anywhere anymore and the stress that it creates is sometimes, unbearable.

4AM? Traffic is bad, because they have to close the roads for "repair".
6:30AM? Traffic is horriffic, because everyone needs to start getting to work.
9:00AM? Traffic is bad, because, now, alot of people work varied hours to start later and "miss" the traffic.
12:00PM Traffic is bad again, everyone running lunch errands.
3:00? Guess what? "Rush hour" has started and it lasts until 7:30PM.

Now, 'round about 10:00, they close or shut the roads down to one lane for overnight repairs. This causes massive backups for kilometers. Beauty...sitting in the dark on the 401 at 11:00AM, nothing but the taillights.

But, here is the weird thing. You drive by the "construction site" and nobody is working. There are impressive pylons, lights, equipment, diggers. movers, lifters...whatever. But not a body to be seen anywhere.

Is it underground construction? Grrrrr.....

Then you got the good old DVP. Unreal, no other way to describe it.
10PM on a Thursday night, it is jammed from top to bottom. (and this is when there is no construction, or "accidents".)
I mean, where in the hell is everyone going? Don't they know that I need to get home. Move the hell over and let me get back to Suburbia, for chrissakes.

Ga$ price$, obviously, are not an issue for Canadians and we have proven this out with our commuter movements and habits.

Case in point, most cars ( I bet %90) in the morning/evening commute have only one occupant. It's funny actually, you get to notice the same people day in, day out. You don't "know" them, but you get to seeing them so often, you may as well meet for coffee before the commute. You even start to nod back and forth after awhile....

Ergo, the delays and "accidents"....

Same people doing the same behaviours...
-the "singer", belting out tunes and air jamming
-the "make up applier", putting on their face and nearly crashing every 3. 8 seconds
-the "wicked hung over stare straight ahead guy". You KNOW this dude would blow over, if stopped, and chances are he only went to bed 2-3 hours before getting in their car.
-the "cell phone talking, bagel eating, coffee drinking, cigarette smoking guy/girl", again nearly crashing every time they get a chance to look up at the road.
-the "texter", sending/receiving text messages, while leaning on their steering wheel for balance. (Hint-the wheel is for steering)
-the "reader"...I love these ones. Some reading the paper, some reading reports for the morning meeting, some looking at porno. (Okay, that guy gets a pass)

It seems like everyday, there is some catastrophic "accident" on the 400 series highways....leaving ensuing chaos.
This is not just a Toronto/401 phenomenon. My little metropolis has also succummbed to the traffic monster. The "main drag" is only about 3 kilometers long, but I have been reduced to taking "shortcuts", or backroads....rather than the "main drag".

On any given night, it is bumper to bumper...end to end..traffic light to traffic light. Try getting out of the Beer Store parking lot on a Friday night..I triple dog dare you.

Then you have Sunday night. Bumper to bumper for miles. Why, you ask?

Everyone coming home from the cottage to Toronto and other parts undesirable....that's why.

So, listen up city slickers. Stay off MY goat paths to avoid traffic on the 401...unless you are bringing beer into town.

(lygenztia *41) speedo's, spandex and shirtless...ummmm

Spandex, on the whole is a good concept.
Speedo's are a wonderful piece of gear for the competitive swimmer.
Shirtless in the summer....what could be better?

Herein lies the issue. Compatability. Plain and simple.
First, let's delve into the wonderful world of spandex. Spandex was probably initially created with some type of athletic application, but then wandered into the fashion world, as is so often the case with athletic clothing.

Ergo my point. Athletes should wear spandex. Spandex should not be worn by women that are 80 pounds overweight with gargantuan breasts. It is not flattering. It is odd, rather offensive and anything but sexy. Contain, or hide those condo size boobs please. Oh, and the butt? Well let's just say the spandex isn't quite covering that acreage. The offender is usually in the gym, strutting around..typically with an Olivia Newton John headband and disco leg warmers. (Is it cold in the gym?? Here's a hint, climb onto the treadmill)

Now, as for men and their spandex "Bicycle shorts". Ever notice the men that wear these in the gym, aren't riding an exercise bike? Oh no, they are preening around and the look just screams out..."look at me ladies, look at my tight butt and tiny raisin balls." The funniest thing about these guys, they are always covered in fur (oops sorry, I mean body hair) and their gut is two weeks ahead of their ass. (that's beer belly, for those that missed the analogy) If you are in the Tour de France, wear the shorts. If you are trying to impress the ladies, try good old fashioned normal gym shorts. (preferably ones bought after 1985)

The there is the Speedo and my hypocrisy may glisten through here just a tad....
Men in speedo's at social functions, pool parties or the beach? Um no. Just don't. Doesn't matter how great your body is..it just screams pretentious, high maintenance and undesireable. (unless that is what you are trying to attract) Save the Speedo for the swim meet, or the privacy of your own home and your bathroom (or bedroom ceiling) mirror.

Women in Speedo's..now that is a double edge sword, I'll tell you what. The right woman in a Speedo? Now, that is a work of art. An absolute vision of epic proportions, guaranteed to warm the blood of any male with a pulse. But here is the problem, the women that should wear Speedo's don't. The ones that have no business even standing in the aisle where they are sold, always seem to want to wear one. C'mon, you know the type. The ones that are "big boned", as they claim. (Strange, that doesn't look like a bone drooping off your ass to me...it looks rather..."gubbly")

Shirtless in the summer? Awesome concept, if you are in the right time and place, or you have the goods.

I will go on record as saying that I agree with the Court decision in Ontario a few years ago, giving women the RIGHT to go topless in public. But again, how come the ones that should (at least in my observation)..don't? Remember the pictures of some of the people suporting the case, posing topless in public? Well, some of them..tell you what..you need to put that shirt back on sunshine. Ewwww. Sports Illustrated swimsuit models, ladies that have had to much to drink at the cottage....aspiring models..by all means, express your rights as a citizen of this province. Go topless. But for those of you whose boobs point to the floor when exposed? Well...maybe wear some support, when showing your support. Please.

Then, there is the topless male Adonis. You know the guy. He lives in your neighborhood. He is 63, overweight and has more wrinkles than a Sharpei dog show. But what does he do? He tears down that shirt to mow the lawn, to "impress" the ladies. Here's a hint, buy a sweater...or a really big t-shirt and cover up. (all the while thinking to himself..."look at my sexy arms ladies...daddy's still got game..")

This morning, while going to get a coffee, I saw a man in his mid fifties, who was obese, smoking a cigar and trying to start a lawn mower. And guess what? He was shirtless! Nice look...everytime he pulled the lawnmower cord..flesh flew off and jiggled in an infinite number of combinations. Kinda like fire, never the same flame combinations. So he pulled and jiggled and shook and began to sweat. Now, I ask you....what woman wouldn't be driven into a sexual frenzy by that pretty picture?

spandex, speedo's and shirtless...all concepts to be handled with care.

Enjoy the summer everyone.......