Spandex, on the whole is a good concept.
Speedo's are a wonderful piece of gear for the competitive swimmer.
Shirtless in the summer....what could be better?
Herein lies the issue. Compatability. Plain and simple.
First, let's delve into the wonderful world of spandex. Spandex was probably initially created with some type of athletic application, but then wandered into the fashion world, as is so often the case with athletic clothing.
Ergo my point. Athletes should wear spandex. Spandex should not be worn by women that are 80 pounds overweight with gargantuan breasts. It is not flattering. It is odd, rather offensive and anything but sexy. Contain, or hide those condo size boobs please. Oh, and the butt? Well let's just say the spandex isn't quite covering that acreage. The offender is usually in the gym, strutting around..typically with an Olivia Newton John headband and disco leg warmers. (Is it cold in the gym?? Here's a hint, climb onto the treadmill)
Now, as for men and their spandex "Bicycle shorts". Ever notice the men that wear these in the gym, aren't riding an exercise bike? Oh no, they are preening around and the look just screams out..."look at me ladies, look at my tight butt and tiny raisin balls." The funniest thing about these guys, they are always covered in fur (oops sorry, I mean body hair) and their gut is two weeks ahead of their ass. (that's beer belly, for those that missed the analogy) If you are in the Tour de France, wear the shorts. If you are trying to impress the ladies, try good old fashioned normal gym shorts. (preferably ones bought after 1985)
The there is the Speedo and my hypocrisy may glisten through here just a tad....
Men in speedo's at social functions, pool parties or the beach? Um no. Just don't. Doesn't matter how great your body is..it just screams pretentious, high maintenance and undesireable. (unless that is what you are trying to attract) Save the Speedo for the swim meet, or the privacy of your own home and your bathroom (or bedroom ceiling) mirror.
Women in Speedo's..now that is a double edge sword, I'll tell you what. The right woman in a Speedo? Now, that is a work of art. An absolute vision of epic proportions, guaranteed to warm the blood of any male with a pulse. But here is the problem, the women that should wear Speedo's don't. The ones that have no business even standing in the aisle where they are sold, always seem to want to wear one. C'mon, you know the type. The ones that are "big boned", as they claim. (Strange, that doesn't look like a bone drooping off your ass to me...it looks rather..."gubbly")
Shirtless in the summer? Awesome concept, if you are in the right time and place, or you have the goods.
I will go on record as saying that I agree with the Court decision in Ontario a few years ago, giving women the RIGHT to go topless in public. But again, how come the ones that should (at least in my observation)..don't? Remember the pictures of some of the people suporting the case, posing topless in public? Well, some of them..tell you what..you need to put that shirt back on sunshine. Ewwww. Sports Illustrated swimsuit models, ladies that have had to much to drink at the cottage....aspiring models..by all means, express your rights as a citizen of this province. Go topless. But for those of you whose boobs point to the floor when exposed? Well...maybe wear some support, when showing your support. Please.
Then, there is the topless male Adonis. You know the guy. He lives in your neighborhood. He is 63, overweight and has more wrinkles than a Sharpei dog show. But what does he do? He tears down that shirt to mow the lawn, to "impress" the ladies. Here's a hint, buy a sweater...or a really big t-shirt and cover up. (all the while thinking to himself..."look at my sexy arms ladies...daddy's still got game..")
This morning, while going to get a coffee, I saw a man in his mid fifties, who was obese, smoking a cigar and trying to start a lawn mower. And guess what? He was shirtless! Nice look...everytime he pulled the lawnmower cord..flesh flew off and jiggled in an infinite number of combinations. Kinda like fire, never the same flame combinations. So he pulled and jiggled and shook and began to sweat. Now, I ask you....what woman wouldn't be driven into a sexual frenzy by that pretty picture?
spandex, speedo's and shirtless...all concepts to be handled with care.
Enjoy the summer everyone.......
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