Over the thundering plains comes mine enemy. I grimace, I prepare and I brace myself for the upcoming battle. I have fought this battle many times and in the end, I am victorious, but the battle always comes with a price.
I fight with the most meager of weapons, sometimes my bare hands. My enemy is from forces that are so colossal, that I cannot even begin to comprehend their power. My battle plan, is the waiting game. I strike in small numbers with stealth…as to fully confront my enemy with all his might would be sure folly.
The battle I speak of…is with my leaves. I have two absolutely beautiful trees behind my house on “town” property. One is a majestic old Oak, the other a very stately, vital Maple. The trees leave enough leaves on my back yard to drive me to drink. (wait, maybe I should thank/hug them for that)
So, every Fall I do battle with these leaves. The more you rake, the more the fall….they just keep falling and falling…and falling. I think I have spent about 60 bucks on yard waste bags at the Home Depot. Jeez, the clerks there know me by name now.
My plan, this year, was to remove some fence boards fire up my leaf blower and send these trespassers from whence they came. However, I needed a “lookout” on the other side of the fence and my son absolutely balked at the idea. I didn’t want to hit anyone with leaves and I also didn’t know if the Town would want to fine me, for returning the leaves. (which are rightfully theirs anyway…..) So, I abandoned that plan.
Well, now comes the fun part. I have two very large dogs. Large dogs eat and they also correspondingly leave (pardon the pun) little (actually very big) presents. I used to put the leaves in the environmentally friendly brown bags by hand. Bare hands. Well, you know what is coming next.
A great big handful of leaves and a great big handful of…OH MY GOD! Yuch…Forever and anon, I will wear gloves when scooping leaves. I consider this as a casualty of battle and makes me a candidate for the Purple Heart.
I swear these damn leaves will make you paranoid. I rake, I bag, I stack bags, the yard is “clear” of the enemy. I stop for a well-deserved beer. Well, in the time it takes to grab one beer, the yard is again full of leaves. Jeez, I turn my back for one second and the little bastards attack again!
The only hope of victory is that eventually, I will have captured all of the enemy soldiers. Unfortunately, between my investment in leaf bags and hand sanitizer, the price of battle is high.
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