OK, this is not an anti-wife rant. These are just tips. Tips to keep the peace, that's all. So for all the ladies out there...chill out.
I am just trying to be pro-active and prevent domestic strife. Since the invention of shopping, this activity has probably caused more domestic disurbances than alcohol.
Men usually will go shopping willingly and might even enjoy it..if you are made aware of a few of our idiosyncracies. So, if your husband agrees to accompany you Christmas shopping, there are some do's and dont's that you need to be aware of:
DO's............
1) DO stop about every hour for a beer. 'nuff said.
2) DO tell him approximately what time you are heading home.
3) DO ask him what he might like for Christmas. You won't get us what we really want anyway (a gift certificate for the liquor store), but at least pretend like you might want to get us something we want. It makes us feel all "Christmas-ee".
4) DO leave him a list of what you want for Christmas. Women will do strange things like drop a hint in August at some little obscure shop, without actually saying they want something. Just leave us a list..we'll get it. Rely on hints at your own peril. One year I bought my wife a glow in the dark remote control...pretty sure by her reaction when she opened it, that she meant something else. Very, very sure.
5) DO surprise him by buying him something. Grab him a hat, or a t-shirt, or some shiny thing when he's not looking. Men aren't that smart...we'll just go aroung grinning the rest of the day because we got something. (++NOTE++ Beer does not count as something++)
6) DO allow us to spend a little time in the sporting goods or tool section of the stores. To be honest, after sex these are the things that we think the most about.
7) DO go out for supper after you're done. It's a fantastic way to end the day and there is no rush to get home and look at everything...again. (see DO NOT #6)
DO NOT'S..................
1) DO NOT hold up 2 baby outfits and ask him what colour is cuter. Guys have no idea what cute is and God help us all if you are relying on our opinion of "cute". Unless it is a Hooters girl, or football cheerleader, men are completely unqualified to judge "cute".
2) DO NOT hold up 2 toys and ask a man which toy the 3 year old nephew that he has never met would like better. It rattles us bad...we just can't cope with the pressure of this decision.
3) DO NOT act meek in big line ups and busy stores. If you want it, get in there! If you want in line to check out, step up and get yourself set in a spot. Don't stand sheepishly 30 metres from the closest line, hoping some nice clerk will come and help you....ain't gonna happen.
4) DO NOT take your husband anywhere near the lingerie/underwear scetion unless you are getting something for yourself. He will be more than happy to help you pick that out.
5) DO NOT get jealous when the gorgeous 95 pound model in a fancy designer store pays attention to your husband. I have news for you...they are paid to do this. She is not interested in your husband, who is twice her age, wearing track pants...a spagetti stained t-shirt and a camouflage hat that says "Get 'r Done".
6) DO NOT force him to look at everything again when you get home and lay it out on the bed. We have already seen it....we were there.
Enjoy your shopping.
Merry Christmas!!!
1 comment:
Post a Comment