(lygenztia *96) Here doggy-doggy..

People take great care of their pets nowadays, which is good. I have dogs and they "make a family complete" (as a good friend of mine once said). Cats...well I can take them or leave them...but different strokes for different folks.

So, we needed some supplies (Christmas presents actually) for the dogs and decided to go to a major pet food/supply retailer. It's a big store, a fun store....as soon as you walk in you can smell the animals, food etc. The interesting thing..you are welcome to bring your pet in with you.

Now this is where it starts to get weird.

The people that brought their dogs into the store were just not "normal". I didn't see any cats, just dogs...but there was a rather eccentric looking man buying enough cat food to feed 25-30 cats for 2 months. I don't even want to know what that is all about.

One guy..has his dog tightly wrapped in a blanket in the cart and keeps saying to the dog.."it's OK..it's OK..it's OK"...as the dog looks back up at him and thinks to itself " I know it's OK, would you shut the hell up and buy my food?" ( I don't speak dog, but I think that's what the dog was thinking...) The entire time the guys eyes are darting around in some paranoid scan....protecting his dog, in case someone wanted to steal him. Ummmm....ok

Next guy, is walking his dog down the aisles and his wife ( I presume) will not even walk with him. She is 2 aisles away...hiding. This guy was borderline bizarre...he stopped every 3 paces to have a conversation with his dog about the various products.

Now, I do talk to my dogs..things like "Hey buddy" or "do you wann go ou-side"? (dog owners never pronounce the "t") or..."you hungee" (dog owners never pronounce the "r") or "wanna cookie?" or..."you a good boy?"

What I DO NOT do..is have conversations with my dogs. That is just a little over the line.

The last guy I saw with his dog was grinning like a bloody fool. Every single person he walked by, he would have this goofy grin on his face, look at his dog...then look at the person. He wanted the whole world to know he had a dog. His grin was just screaming out "LOOK EVERYONE, LOOK AT MY CUTE DOG!" Newsflash pal...we can see your dog. We get it...you have a dog.

Interesting store.....even more interesting customers.

I am glad that we were able to find the knitted Christmas sweaters for our dogs though....they will come in handy when I take them Christmas carolling with me. (they sing baritone)

(lygenztia *95) Can I help you folks? My name is Vinny....

Do anti-stalking laws apply to commission retail sales clerks? Some of these sales guys are hilarious, honestly. I get that they are trying to make a buck and I have no issue with that. I actually enjoy bargaining with a sales clerk, when I want to buy something. I find it fun....

BUT, some of them are so bad at reading a customer that it is pathetic.

Read the customer, are they a buyer..or browser?

You know how it all goes down.....you walk into the store and you are just looking. Just looking..shopping actually. That's the concept of retail, they display product, you browse and decide whether or not you want to puchase it.

So after you get 14 centimetres down the first aisle, a clerk appears like a genie out of a bottle right out of nowhere.
Sample conversation follows:
Clerk-"Hello folks, can I help you find something?"
Shopper-"No thanks, just looking."
Clerk-"Well, could I interest you in a new bedroom set?"
Shopper-"No thanks, we're just looking..."
Clerk-"We have a great deal on right now on persian rugs.."
Shopper-"No thanks, we're just looking. We'll come get you if something catches our eye."

So you walk down the aisle further and the clerk is about 17 centimetres behind you and your spouse, listening in. If you dare stop moving for one second, or even utter a product name...VROOM, he is right beside you.
Clerk-"Oh, I see you foks are admiring that big screen TV, but you don't want that one..come with me and i'll show you another."
Shopper-"No thanks, just looking."

At this point, buddy is starting to really piss you off and you suspect that he is listening in on the conversation where you and your spouse are bad mouthing an annoying relative.

By then, I have decided that I am not going to buy anything just on principle. But he's still there...watching, listening, following...studying your every move and looking intently at your shoes.

Why is he looking at your shoes? Number one rule in retail, look at the customer shoes. People with buying power typically wear high quality footwear. The clothes themselves don't so much matter, but shoes tell alot about a person's financial situation.

Next time one of these guys do this to me, I'd like to give him a close up look ....by burying my shoe in his ass.

(lygenztia *94) Can I help you sir?

Customer service in Canada sucks. End of story. Period.

If you have ever traveled in the U.S.A., you know what I mean. Customer service in the U.S.A. means something. It’s not just some goofy sign at the door that says “Customer satisfaction guaranteed.” They treat you right.

Not so, in the Canadian neck of the woods.

I am at the grocery store and see a check out clerk talking on a cell phone drinking water. She’s entitled to a break, I think to myself. So, politely I ask…”are you open?” What do I get in return?

She looks at me, doesn’t say a word..”huffs” and hangs up her cell phone. Then, gives me a look like, “you are just the way stupidest person ever”. (Well, maybe she called that one right, but at least hide the look) So, I put my items down and she checks me out, obviously annoyed that I “disturbed her”. If you were on a goddam break, why the hell were you at the cash register?

If you hate your job, then you hate your job. That’s not my issue, so don’t treat me like crap when I come into the place. Go home and scream at your goldfish.

This isn’t an isolated incident and I’m not just bitching because this particular clerk was rude. This is a fairly common experience.

This type of treatment of the Canadian consumer is so prevalent nowadays that we have basically accepted it. That’s too bad.

(lygenztia *93) P.T. Barnum said.."there's a sucker born every minute."

P.T. Barnum was one of the main originators of the Barnum and Bailey circus and some say..a business mastermind. He was quoted saying many things, but one holds true..past, present and future.

He said "there's a sucker born every minute.." (sic) He sure knew what he was talking about.

Take the modern day consumer, for example.

Why do we pay huge money to advertise for fashion clothing makers? You know the names of all the popular ones...I am not going to mention them, for fear of getting my poor self sued and made even poorer.

We go into the stores, staffed by ultra beautiful people with plastic smiles, listen to techno pop in dimly lit aisles and purchase very pricey clothing. We gladly purchase our glitzy, glamorous clothing and wear it, with the manufacturer's name emblazoned on every square inch of it. Or, at the very least, subtly embroidered somewhere on the garment.

We pay big money to buy the clothing and not only that, we pay for the "privilege" of advertising for them.

There is nothing wrong with the clothing. I admit, I wear some of it in an attempt (and a poor one at that) to look good.

But how can a t-shirt from store "A" cost $9.95, when a t-shirt from the fashionable stores can cost anywhere from $40-$80 bucks? We all know that it's basically the same shirt, it's not about the "quality".

Make no mistake, it is about the look. They charge us $80 bucks for a t-shirt and $139.00 for a pair of jeans and you know why?

Because we will pay it, that's why.

Like P.T. Barnum said......

(lygenztia *92) Pffhht...ya, like..whatever

“whatever”

When someone utters this catch all word to you…….then you know you have gotten the better of them.

I was engaging in a veritable cornucopia of verbal diatribe (that’s code for “argument”) with someone the other day. I gave them my version of events and they gave me theirs. Then I gave them mine and that was their comeback….”whatever”.

“Whatever” when said by someone in a debate, signifies that they concede two things:

1) I have lost this argument.
2) I have no further pearls of wisdom to dispel on the subject.

“Whatever” is the way some people get out of an argument/debate that they have lost, while trying to leave with some scrap of their dignity intact.

If you get “whatever”, take some satisfaction that you have “won”. Don’t rub it in, don’t continue..just realize that you have won. It’s like someone saying “Uncle” when the schoolyard bully is giving them a titty twister.

I rarely use the word “whatever” in day to day conversation/debate with others. Now with my wife…hmmm, ya…”whatever”.

(Lygenztia *91) All dogs go to heaven...

Ah Indy. There will never be another one like him. I am not sure why, but I have been thinking about this old dog alot lately.

Indy was a pet dog that we had for about 8 years. Indy was a Bouvier, a very large breed. We acquired Indy when we met the breeder on a bright sunny day. He got out of the back of their van and started to run around a school yard and we were hooked. He ran up to us right away, he licked our faces, wagged his tail and smiled…as only dogs can do. He was coming home with us and that was all there was to it.

He was smart, never went to obedience training..but he came when he was called, stayed on the property and never, ever messed in the house. He loved his house…and his kids. My kids, at the time, were very young. They would poke him in the eye, lay on him, stick their little hands in his massive jaw…and he never so much as flinched. Yes, he loved those kids.

My wife became sick with cancer and spent days on end laying on the couch, while I had to work and the kids were at school. The dog never left her side….he would lay there for hours….watching over her, never fussing…quiet when she fell asleep. It was like he knew she needed her rest.

One day, while I was working someone tried to come in the house…and Indy chased them out of the house, up the street and around the corner. My wife called me crying…scared and upset that the dog would be so aggressive. That day alone, the dog earned every ounce of food that we ever bought him. It was his house and his family and that stranger that chose to come in, did so at his own peril. Courage like that, comes from unconditional love.

As Indy aged, his rear hips got bad. He had some trouble getting up and down and I often had to lift him up stairs and on and off the bed. I felt that he earned the right to be on the bed and never deprived him of that dog luxury. Unfortunately, the pain was starting to get the better of him, but I just could not do what needed to be done. I would muster up the courage and think “today is the day”, but when I looked at him, I just couldn’t do it.

Then, one cold rainy night it happened. I got home late and noticed my son had came into our room and fell asleep on the floor, beside our bed. He rarely did this and he still isn’t sure why he did that night. I looked down and Indy was laying peacefully with my son, nestled in tight to him. I knew as soon as I laid eyes on Indy that he was gone.

He had curled up to my son and slipped away. I never woke my son…I gently lifted Indy up and carefully took him out to the garage and laid him on the couch and covered him up. I cried that night..like I hadn’t cried in years. It hurt me deep to knowing the old fella was gone, but it also felt good to know that he left us at home, with the family he loved.

I have had lots of dogs, some maybe even smarter than Indy. But, there will never be another one like him.

(lygenztia *90) Will that be paper...or plastic?

Have you ever went into a restaurant washroom and saw the nice, environmentally friendly hand washer? They are great, if they work. Good for the environment, lessens waste..everybody is happy. If they work.

I go to use one this afternoon and it is “on”, but the air that it expels is equivalent to a frog burp. If you stood under it for an entire day, it may have dried one of your 8 fingers or two thumbs. (eight if you are a Simpson…no thumbs)

It is soooo aggravating. You have three choices when you come across this scenario.
1) Wipe your hands on your shirt, or pants.
2) Wad up a HUGE ball of toilet paper and use that.
3) Walk out with wet hands and wipe them on someone you know and love.

All are crappy (pardon the pun) choices. Wiping your hands on your shirt is fine if you are not in nice clothes. Me, when I go out in public..I wear nice clothes. I haven’t quite joined the baggy track pants, Velcro tab “sneakers” and dirty t-shirt crowd in public just yet.

The toilet paper dilemna is also problematic. The little bits get all caught between your fingers and there is no “bonus” to the environment when you do this. Besides, people that walk in and see you doing this think that you just did something…well…let’s just say “unusual” in the stall.

Wiping your hands on someone else can be funny and kind of useful, as long as they aren’t bigger than you. And if its your wife, you have to be kinda sneaky and pretend that you are giving her a hug.

Long live the recycled, bio-degradable paper towel, creates jobs..... good for the environment and won’t make me have to pick choices 1, 2…or 3.

(lygenztia *89) Snow day my ass.

Snow day?

What the hell is up with these “snow days”? My kids both go to High School and if a snowflake is spotted in North Bay (400 Kms away), they close the school. Huh?

My daughter was text messaging me this morning, telling me that there was no-one in school and that she wanted to go home. There is no snow on the ground. It all melted last night. There is no snow falling from the sky.

The buses also aren’t running. Why? The public buses are running, I can see them on the road. They seem to be getting around just fine.

So, what do they do in rural northern Ontario? Close the schools all winter? NO!
Many rural roads in Ontario are snow covered all winter long, so that snowmobiles can run on them too. (They pack the snow down and put a light coating of sand on it.) The buses seem to be able to traverse these routes just fine.

TTC drivers in Toronto have a next to impossible job getting around Toronto when it snows, but they still run and they still transport people around the city.

It is ridiculous. People have to get to work in snow. Shouldn’t we be teaching kids that they have responsibilities and that life and work goes on, despite a snowflake 400 kilometres away?

In the real world, people have to get to work, meet deadlines and get the job done. It seems like every year that passes by, school becomes less and less like the real world.

(lygenztia *88) What's he complaining about now?

I frequently get people asking me where I get the ideas for my blog. The reality is, I have more topics/ideas….. than I have time to write them.

We ALL have a bunch of topics (in my case lygenztia’s) everyday in our thoughts, self talk and experiences. Think about it, every day probably 5-10 events are going to make you smile.
Everyday 5-10 events will tick you off. Everyday, at least 20 different events will make you think.
And every so often (hopefully not every day) something will make you sad.

The key is being able to relate your experience to others and see if you can draw any similarities. By far, the most popular topics are the ones with common experiences. Think about it..a topic gets posted about how funny it was when they were at work and someone forgot to file a T-N2Z form with the month end report for accounts payable. Ya, that’s a real laugh riot, unless you work there and you can relate..then it’s probably pretty darn funny.

Sometimes, you write to vent..sometimes with the hope of making people laugh. But one thing is for sure, when you can make them relate to what you are saying…you will always get a smile.

It’s kinda like good old fashioned conversation…just hidden behind a keyboard.

(lygenztia *87) Stop! In the name of the my plastic I.D. card!!

What the hell is up with this "bag check" when you leave Best Buy and other big box stores?
Tell you what, I bought the crap in this bag, so just let me by.

My wife and I were recently Christmas shopping in Best Buy and made some pretty substantial purchases. After we checked out and PAID for our items, we exited the store as any normal people would do. As we are walking out, 2 goofy looking very serious morons say "hey..hey you". I turn around and say (very curtly) "what"?
So, the one kid says "we have to check your bags". What the hell? No, excuse me sir, or pardon me? No explanantion? Just some little wanna be nerd. They weren't even polite about it.

The check out is 8 feet away, they saw us PAY for our stuff and we didn't set off the stupid alarm. So, why not use your common sense? They watched us drop about 500 bucks, then walked through those stupid alarm arches and voila! No alarm..

So, you want to further delay me and go through my bags now? The jack offs could have at least been polite when they approached us.

If the crap we bought wasn't for gifts, I would have taken all the stuff back and told them to jam it.

(lygenztia *86) You'll shoot your eye out kid...HO HO HO

Women should not shop for boys and men without asking them what they REALLY want for Christmas.
(in any reference that follows to "men", you can substitute "boys" and vice versa...as appropriate)

You know why? I'll tell you why....
Women buy stuff for boys and men that women want men to like...... and not what men really want. When you buy something for us what you are really thinking to yourself is..."OOOh, I really like this, it's so cute and I hope that he would like something cute like I would."

Well guess what? We don't want cute. The only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys. We want gizmo's, liqour, pellet guns, shoot 'em up video games, sports video games..sports equipment, fishing poles and some damn warm boots. We want a remote control that will work every electronic in our house and a camoflauge colour beer fridge.

We want baseball gloves, hockey sticks, lacrosse sticks and a jersey with our favourite player's number on it. We want power tools....and hats with sports team logos on them. We want a gift certificate to Hooters. If your kid wants a BB gun, buy him a damn BB gun and have Dad teach him how to handle and shoot the thing. They will enjoy the time together, the kid will learn some responsibility and he is not going to become Jeffrey Dahlmer because he shot some paper bullseye targets with a damn little BB.

I can tell you this, if you buy us something that you think is cute, we will think that it is dumb. But, we won't tell you, because we don't want to hurt your feelings.

Case in point...I am listening to two women talk about how much one of their nephews loves Spiderman. So, she says she bought him a Spiderman tie....and says guess what? "It's so cute". Tell you what, that kid is going to open that thing up on Christmas morning and throw it aside like yesterday's cereal bowl. What kid wears a tie anyway, unless it's his school uniform? What are you doing, trying to make the poor thing the target of bullying? Nothing says cool like wearing a Spiderman tie to grade 5 math class.

Tell you what, you want to make the kid happy? Buy him a Spiderman webshooter that attaches to your wrist and shoots a little "spider string" and a harmless rubber dart. Let the kid shoot the family cat in the ass and make it jump 9 feet in the air..that will make the kid laugh and enjoy his gift. (Relax cat lovers, the cat is fine and this only serves to sharpen its reflexes...it's a favour to the cat.)

As for men....buy us some dumb ass sweater that matches your favourite pants that YOU think is cute and we will bury that sucker deeper than Jimmy Hoffa, the very first chance we get.

Get us what we want for Christmas. It's not that hard, we'll tell you.

Merry Christmas

(lygenztia *85) We were so sophisticated...

When I was a kid in Bowmanville..

-a trip to the “O.C.” was huge
-opening weekend for trout fishing was a town holiday.
-we hung out at the “Mall”.
-the north end kids made fun of the south end kids, who made fun of the lake kids, who made fun of the north kids, who made fun of the south kids…repeat.
-we skated on frozen creeks, without the help of our parents.
-we swam in the creek.
-for excitement…we would “ride bikes”.
-for fun, we would hang out in apple orchards and corn fields.
-we built “underground forts” by the creek, that consisted of a hole that could barely fit one kid and his flashlight. But hey, it was a “fort”.
-we had apple, crab apple and “dirt bomb” fights. If you cried when you got hit, you got it way worse.
-we played “guns” and there was a strict code of honour if you got “shot” and you had to lay down, lest you be chastised by all of your friends.
-we did not play man-hunt. We played hide and seek. Some dumb kid would always run away and hide 2.6 miles from “home”, so that not even a heat seeking helicopter could find him. Usually, we just left them there.
-there was NO “saving the bunch”.
-75 cents could buy you enough candy to be able to share with your friends.
-we weren’t quite sure what soccer was, but wondered if fighting was allowed.
-the only store that was open on Sunday was “North End Market” and you had to know the secret password to get in.
-the church-goers would fight like cats and dogs to keep stores closed on Sundays, then spend all day Sunday in restaurants…after church.
-ice cream at Franks’ on Sunday night and a drive to the lake to watch the boats was a BIG deal.
-we all sang Christmas Carols in school and made macaroni and sparkle decorations.
-we NEVER got sent home from school because of snow.
-we were allowed to have snowball fights and often, the teachers joined in.
-If your dad didn’t work at GM, you lied and said he did….. so you would fit in.
-parties at Elephant Hill, Cotton Creek and Jackman Creek were commonplace. So were fights…
-you complained to your buddies about how crappy your school was (Central Public), then meet a kid from another school (Lord Elgin) and tell him his school stunk and yours was the best.
-if they said your name on the school PA, everyone in the class would say..”oooooooh”
-if you had a mini-bike, you were automatically cool. (sadly, this rule did not apply to me)
-it was totally mind blowing to see an un-marked police car.
-if a kid visited from Toronto, we would all gather around them in awe and ask them if they had any “pop rocks”.
-there was at least one kid that started smoking in Grade 4 and his parents and teachers were fine with that.
-when a new kid moved into town, nobody would talk to them for 3 months…”just in case”.
-if you went to Bowmanville High School, the girls were much prettier at Courtice High School. If you went to Courtice, the girls were much prettier at Bowmanville High School.
-pretty much every car in the High School parking lot was a piece of junk. Booster cables, flat tires and raised hoods were commonplace.
-a trip to McDonalds in Oshawa was something you bragged about for 2-3 weeks.
-rumours and gossip spread faster than they do now…without the internet.
-the brawl that started at the Castle on Thursday nite, became the brawl that continued on TJ’s on Friday nite, which finished up at the Marina on Saturday nite.


Yes, we were very sophisticated.

(lygenztia *84) Toronto......is consistent.

One thing I will give the City of Toronto is this….it is a consistent city.

Whenever I make the trek into the city, I know I can count on the following:

-some jerk will cut me off and nearly kill me and 3 other people.
-some jerk will cut right to the front of a line up at an on/off ramp…and then get mad when you don’t let them in.
- I will see at least 5 different vehicles run a red light.
-some jerk with nicer shoes and coat than I have, will ask for spare change for “coffee”.
-some pedestrian with no regards to cars/trucks will walk right into the middle of a busy 4 lane road, like the Danforth or Kingston Road.
-there will be an accident on the DVP
-some weasel like, little rat face nerd (male) will bud in front of a bunch of ladies to get on an elevator first.
-numerous intersections and traffic lights will be blocked for construction, making it impossible to get anywhere.
-a taxi driver will do a 3 point turn, blocking off all traffic, then give everyone that waited for him the finger as he drives away. Thanks…..
-I will see some jerk fighting with a green hornet (parking ticket person) over a ticket that they know they should have gotten anyway.
-there will be nowhere to park, except for a privately run lot that cost $39.00/hour.
-I will have to make my way through a wall of 15 smokers to get into a building. (can’t they make them go in a back alley, or something?)
-I will see the CN tower and chuckle to myself….. thinking that, pathetically, this is what the city of Toronto is best known for.
-I will think about my wife’s (and mine) favourite restaurant, the “Palace” on Pape.
-some peaceful shop keeper will give me a friendly smile that reminds me that the people really are, overall, pretty great.

But, in keeping with my rant……to hell with the jerks.