Women should not shop for boys and men without asking them what they REALLY want for Christmas.
(in any reference that follows to "men", you can substitute "boys" and vice versa...as appropriate)
You know why? I'll tell you why....
Women buy stuff for boys and men that women want men to like...... and not what men really want. When you buy something for us what you are really thinking to yourself is..."OOOh, I really like this, it's so cute and I hope that he would like something cute like I would."
Well guess what? We don't want cute. The only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys. We want gizmo's, liqour, pellet guns, shoot 'em up video games, sports video games..sports equipment, fishing poles and some damn warm boots. We want a remote control that will work every electronic in our house and a camoflauge colour beer fridge.
We want baseball gloves, hockey sticks, lacrosse sticks and a jersey with our favourite player's number on it. We want power tools....and hats with sports team logos on them. We want a gift certificate to Hooters. If your kid wants a BB gun, buy him a damn BB gun and have Dad teach him how to handle and shoot the thing. They will enjoy the time together, the kid will learn some responsibility and he is not going to become Jeffrey Dahlmer because he shot some paper bullseye targets with a damn little BB.
I can tell you this, if you buy us something that you think is cute, we will think that it is dumb. But, we won't tell you, because we don't want to hurt your feelings.
Case in point...I am listening to two women talk about how much one of their nephews loves Spiderman. So, she says she bought him a Spiderman tie....and says guess what? "It's so cute". Tell you what, that kid is going to open that thing up on Christmas morning and throw it aside like yesterday's cereal bowl. What kid wears a tie anyway, unless it's his school uniform? What are you doing, trying to make the poor thing the target of bullying? Nothing says cool like wearing a Spiderman tie to grade 5 math class.
Tell you what, you want to make the kid happy? Buy him a Spiderman webshooter that attaches to your wrist and shoots a little "spider string" and a harmless rubber dart. Let the kid shoot the family cat in the ass and make it jump 9 feet in the air..that will make the kid laugh and enjoy his gift. (Relax cat lovers, the cat is fine and this only serves to sharpen its reflexes...it's a favour to the cat.)
As for men....buy us some dumb ass sweater that matches your favourite pants that YOU think is cute and we will bury that sucker deeper than Jimmy Hoffa, the very first chance we get.
Get us what we want for Christmas. It's not that hard, we'll tell you.
Merry Christmas
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