(lygenztia *135) Celebrate..celebrate..dance to the music...

Hockey has much greater problems than Alexander Ovechkin's celebration. If this is what qualifies for controversy, then the visionaries of the game are somewhat mis-guided.

Ovechkin celebrates his 50th goal with a "staged celebration"? To borrow some words from Homer Simpson...."well somebody call the Feds Ma Barker"

Times change. People change. Society changes with it. "Old" does not always mean good. I can think of many "old" customs that are completely unnaceptable in our modern age..and for good reason. I can think of more than one "tradition" from the Cherry era, that in this day and age is completely unnaceptable. Some of the "traditions", downright immoral.

Bring back the excitement. Bring back the passion to our game.

Ovechkin loves every minute that he is on the ice. Canadian kids would too, if their parents weren't so busy berating refs, criticizing volunteer coaches and setting unrealistic expectations for their children that play.

It's a GAME. Ovechkin plays..and has fun while he's at it.

A goodly proportion of Canadian hockey parents could take a lesson from Ovechkin's book. Many chapters of Cherry's book should be treasured too, but some should be closed forever.

Hockey is a GAME, don't forget to smile. Your face won't crack...and with any luck it will stay that way.

(lygenztia *134) Coco. Crooner and companion.

Last year, we inherited “coco” the cockatiel. Coco had been the companion to an elderly man that could no longer keep him. So, as a favour to a friend, he came to live with us. That’s fine, coco amused our family and we are always up for a challenge. We were glad to have him.

We have racing pigeons and know something of birds, but the pigeons live outside. Coco, on the other hand is a tropical bird that lives indoors. I laughed when he came to live with us, because there were all these complicated instructions and regimented ways that coco lived by. His “dad” took very good care of coco and wanted to make sure that care continued. We take very good care of coco, but I doubt he gets the attention and doting that the received from his “dad”.

So, we look after coco, he sings for us and hopefully he is happy. The odd time one of our dogs barks at coco, but he just whistles back and gives him a nip on the nose if the dog gets too close. The dogs have learned to respect coco’s beak and now afford our little singer a wide berth.

So why do I tell you about coco? Today, I learned that coco’s “dad” passed away. I came home tonight.....looked at coco and realized what the little bird had represented to his “dad”. He’s a small little bird, but when he lived with his “dad”, that little bird was a big part of his world. Coco was comfort, companionship and the opportunity to nurture and care for another......in a small, big way. Both ways.

We’ll make sure that coco is cared for and I hope the little fellow sings for many years to come. It’s the least we can do for his “dad”.

(lygenztia *133) Easy rider

I want a motorcycle. It is stupid, it is immature and it is irresponsible. I get that. I have a family to look after and I can't do that if i'm worm food.

But year after year after year...once the weather starts to turn in the spring, I yearn for the freedom of two wheels. It's silly.....I know. But, I just can't explain it.

I can afford it. That's not the issue. My wife doesn't support the idea and the fact that she is grounded and I am not, is why I am still alive.

She would never say "no", if I asked her outright, but it's a touchy issue. Women, are blessed with the gift of sensibilities. Men (including married ones) have the affliction of nonsense.

Ah well, there's always next year. For this year, maybe i'll buy a new bicycle.

(lygenztia *132) The "honey-do" list

Watched an interesting scene this morning. As I was pumping gas, I saw a woman standing beside her car at the air pump. One of her tires was low on air. Looked like she needed a hand, but I was already filling my tank, so it would have to wait a few minutes for my help.

A few moments later, a pick up truck pulled up and a guy got out. (I assume that it was her husband/boyfriend) He was wearing track pants, slippers and it looked like he just got up. So he pumps up the tire and looking very drowsy, walks back to his truck. So, it appears that he got out of bed to help his wife, which is good. That’s what a good husband does.

But on the way to the truck she says something interesting to him. She didn’t say “thanks dear” or “have a good day” Nope. She says…”can you look around the house for my glasses today”.

And that’s the kicker.

“can you look around the house for my glasses today”

Why the follow up “order”, assignment, or task? Was it THAT important that he be given that assignment for the day? It wasn’t enough that he came to help? Nope.

It’s called the “Honey-do” list. It’s what some women think that men live for. Well, that and beer.

(lygenztia *131) Yummy, yummy, yummy, I got love in my tummy.

Why do some people eat themselves? C’mon you know the type....they chew at their fingers, gnaw at their gums and bite their nails. It is bizarre.

I have watched people chew at their hands like they were a T-bone steak. Like, why so hungry? Ever heard of a bag of chips?

It’s gross. Stop eating yourself. The human body can only re-juvenate at a certain pace. If you keep eating yourself, you’re going to look like Skeletor from He-Man and the Masters of the Universe.

The next time you are talking to/visiting a friend and they start eating themselves, offer to go to the nearest 7-11 and buy them a bag of ju-jubes. They’ll either stop gnawing at their body, or take you up on the offer.

Either way, you win because you don’t have to watch them rip off pieces of their own flesh. You know................like a crow does to a carcass.

Ewww….

(lygenztia *130) What’s the difference…phermones or Jack Daniels?

In this day and age, many married couples are having a “girls night out” for the ladies and a “night out with the boys” for the guys. Both are great ways for married folks to relax, have a drink, be themselves and de-stress. But there is one peculiar (and significant) difference.

What’s the difference? It’s how the night ends.

The husband getting home.

A man goes out with the guys, gets loaded and never once talks about his wife. Once he gets home, he falls out of the taxi, trips twice walking up the porch steps and takes 7 minutes to get his door key to work. He comes in the bedroom, baseball hat turned backwards, yells out a “Yew” at 2AM and has loving on his mind.

Wife rolls over, groans a bit, pulls the covers over her head and tells him “don’t even think about it” and goes to sleep.

The wife getting home.

The fairer sex goes out, has a drink with her friends and has some common sense about it. She spends most of the night talking about her husband and what a pain in the ass he can be. Her friend that never drinks drops the girls off at home and watches them get in the house safely. But the ladies..oh no, they’re different. They come in the bedroom quietly, with stealth. And yes, they do have loving on their mind. (they just don’t yell “yew!” when they get in the house.)

Most men, when their wife goes out for a few drinks get in bed at 10:30, eagerly waiting for their wife to get home. We lay there with a big grin on our face, giddy, laughing and watching ESPN updates over and over. We can’t sleep anyway.....we’re all excited and just can’t wait, because we know what the Jager bombs and Coors Light means when she gets home.

So, men wait in bed and then we pretend we are sleeping when our wife gets into the bedroom. We can hold out for about 3 seconds, that’s all the resilience we have. And then we ask......”how was your night honey?”

So that’s the difference…when the ladies go out for a night on the town, the guys wait up. When the men go out on the town, the ladies make sure they are asleep early.

God bless girl’s night out.

(lygenztia *129) It just looks silly...turn it around.

Any man over 35 that wears his hat backwards in public has issues. I see these types and I have to laugh (out loud). What a pathetic way to attempt to look youthful and cool.

So, you wear your ancient, old Levi’s, your best KISS concert shirt (you know the black one with the white sleeves) to try to look young.........but that’s not enough? No not for you, you resort to turning your hat backwards, because it makes you look “cool”? Pffht......ya right.

Ok, it’s one thing if you have a snoot full of beer, or a shot or two of whiskey into you. Then, it’s OK. Because that’s not really turning a hat backwards…..you’re putting it in “lock” position.

Here are a few hints:

1)Turning your hat backwards at a card game with the boys after downing your 11th beer is acceptable.

2)Turning your hat backwards to go to the grocery store with your son to pick up hair conditioner for your wife and toilet paper for the house....is not acceptable.

Wear it right, because if you don’t, people will laugh behind your back. And the front of your hat will see them doing it.

(lygenztia *128) The only difference between men and boys, is the price of their toys.

There’s a beautiful new car about to begin production. It’s the Camaro. Many a baby boomer and Gen-X’er will remember just how powerful that word is. As for the new, “young”generation…..we don’t care if you know the Camaro name or not. Because we do….. and we have the money.

Anyway, good friend of mine that I play hockey with calls me up. He builds these beautiful machines. Tells me he's goint to bring one over for me to see. Well, when he called me I was in Toronto about an hour from home. Nearly crashed my car twice, I was so anxious to get home and see one of these beautiful marvels in my driveway.

I was excited, like a young kid going to get a new toy, or ride his dirt bike, or kiss a girl for the first time. The excitement was that tangible.

That’s exactly what the Camaro markets to. Excitement. Not gonna lie, I want one and I want one right now.

Way to go GM. We all want something to be excited about.........and I think the General has found it.

(lygenztia *127) Job posting: Hero

Who will lead Canadians out of this economic mess? Nobody and I mean nobody in Canada has stepped up to take the lead in the current economic crisis. There are pundits, reports, editorials, op-ed pieces and every single talk radio and current affairs TV show has a person with an opinion.

But, that’s all they are. Opinions. What we need is A LEADER. A DIRECTION. A PLAN.

I’ve not seen anyone take the lead. I’ve not seen anyone show the nation direction. I’ve not seen anyone show our great country a plan.

You don’t need to complete an application. You don’t even need to go for an interview.

You just need to inspire us.......and whoever you are, we need you now.

(lygenztia *126) Not sure weather I know or not...

Last week, I was at my favourite coffee haunt taking a quick 20 minutes for myself. Even had time to "roll up the rim".

4 folks came in and sat at the table next to me, quite excited to get their coffee, have a sit down and chat. All had eager, bubbly smiles and were obviously happy to be there. You know, i'm not an eavesdropper..but the tables are so darn close that sometimes you just can't help but overhear the people beside you. So, what did they talk about for 20 minutes?

The weather.

How in the heck can you exclusively discuss the weather for that long? Here's a hint....look out the window. That will give you an exact description of the current weather conditions and then you can move on to subjects of geo-political importance. But then again with all that's going on in the world right now (or just in Canada for that matter), maybe the weather is a pretty darn healthy distraction.

Been alot of rain lately eh Joe?

(lygenztia *125) Ok..take a deep breath.

I had a funny conversation at the pub last night, that got me to thinking about clothing…and age.

As a man, when someone asks us our pant size we inevitably answer with this.
“Well it depends…in some stuff I’m a 34, in others a 36..but mostly 34. Mostly.”
Then, we squeeze into our 34’s knowing they are too tight, but all the while blaming the pants. So, being stubborn we buy 34’s and refuse to try them on, or admit that they might not fit. We take them home, wedge into them and hope beyond hope that they will stretch.

Then there is the usual refrain to our wives.

“geez, I just don’t know what’s going on. These pants used to fit great and now they’re tight. I know that I haven’t gained any weight”. Now that comment is ironic, hilarious and misleading in and of itself. Almost no man actually weighs himself. Ladies, on the other hand, do it fairly frequently. But men, well we just assume (and know for sure) that we haven’t gained an ounce since college.

Men (especially middle age men) are brutal for this. “Honey, I am in the best shape of my life.”

And our reasoning for this statement? Oh, that’s easy….
1) we belong to a gym. (we never go, but we belong to a club)
2) we “work off” 800 calories playing hockey once a week (then drink 7 beers and 3 pounds of deep fried chicken wings for a total intake of 3200 calories)
3) We count “working out” as getting out of our car to walk to the door at work, taking a load of laundry down the stairs and dumping it on the floor, taking out the garbage once a week and sex, of course.
4) “I walk all the time” Mostly, this is walking from our barstool to the washroom at the Pub.
5) We eat “only” one bag of nachos and dip per sitting. When we “were young” we would eat two, but eating only one bag of nachos/chips and dip is much more healthy in the long run.
6) We “limit” ourselves to only 4 plates when we go to a buffet.
7) We only drink beer on weekends. (which is Thursday, Friday, Saturday and especially Sunday) We do occasionally drink beer when we play hockey or baseball on a Tuesday or Wednesday, but we earned that. And sometimes you do need a beer or two on a Monday, just to start the week off right. But really, we only drink (mostly) on weekends.

So, even with all this rigorous activity and careful dietary planning we still find that our pants are shrinking. Weird eh? In my case, I am sure it’s the type of detergent my wife is using on our laundry.

(lygenztia *124) Help wanted

With all the doom and gloom, there must be some light somewhere. I keep hearing that 7 percent of Canadians are un-employed. But that means 93 percent are working.

So, what businesses are doing well? And, who is hiring? I went to “Workopolis.com” which claims to be “Canada’s biggest job site”. It’s simple, easy to use and a great way to look for jobs. I was surprised to see that there are literally thousands of jobs listed there.

I also went and checked out some websites for random industries/companies and was surprised to see some of the results.

Currently Hiring
Toronto Transit Commission
Police Services (RCMP, OPP, Toronto)
Canadian Border Services
Canadian Forces
CN Rail
Correctional Officers (prison guards)
GO Transit
CIBC
Loblaws
Aecon
Home Depot
Fed Ex Canada
Trucking companies
Private security agencies

And that was just in 25 minutes of surfing. I realize that not everyone has the training for every job and that some require a specific background, but there is work out there.

The media is to blame for most of the current hysteria. Instead of reporting the fire, they are putting wood on it. Shame on them. But alas, it appears they have their own economic woes.

Stay optimistic, because optimism is contagious. While surfing, I found a story of a college student that is making his fortune, selling worms. Just goes to show you, that even though it’s dirt and muck on top……your fortune might be just below the surface.

http://www.davidmakescents.com/one-small-business-that-is-doing-well-in-this-economy/

www.workopolis.com

http://www.thestar.com/news/canada/article/598625

(lygenztia *123) Ahhh...it's the sun.

When it’s still winter-time, I get freaky when we get a warm spring like day. I think it’s spring fever.

I love those “unseasonably warm” days and they get me all excited. I don’t know what I am excited for, or why I feel anxious..but the feeling is real.

I start to think about buying a motorcycle. I work my butt off in the gym. It’s all about preparation. I’m just not sure what for?

Is it nature, is it genetics? Maybe it’s something buried deep in the human psyche that says that Spring is all about beginning and change.

People buy more cars in the Spring. People buy more houses in the Spring. People make more major purchases in the Spring. So, I guess I am not alone.

I like Spring so much that I capitalized it. I don’t know why we get Spring fever, but it’s real.

God bless nature….thanks for the rush.

(lygenztia *122) Smoke 'em if you got 'em.

It's a sad day when you have to legislate common sense. How sad is it when you have to tell parents not to do something that will harm their child?

Today, I saw two parents smoking in their car, with a young child in the back seat.

The windows were all the way up too, they had to make sure they got their money's worth in second hand smoke from that pack of smokes that cost 10 bucks. (good deal)

But the problem is their child got full value on the second hand smoke too...and the child didn't have a say in the matter.

If you're really that dumb..if you're really that unconcerned about your child, then the CAS should just take them from you. And don't give me that "my parents did it and i'm fine" load of baloney. Our parents did it because they didn't know any better.

In 2009, we do.

Smoke 'em if you got 'em, but if you do it with the kids in the car then you should suffer for it. I'm past the point of worrying about your comfort. If you are that unconcerned about your childs health, then God only knows what other forms of neglect you're prone to.

If a parent doesn't care....give them to a good person that will.

For the sake of the kids.

(lygenztia *121) Roller coaster ride my ass.

Tonite, the weather forecaster said that March will be a “roller coaster ride”. Well, let me the hell off. This winter has been brutally cold, with storms the like of which that I have not seen in my lifetime.

I have had enough. I hate it. Winter sucks.

Old man winter needs a serious ass kicking. I don’t care how old he is, he deserves it. If there is a line to do this, I am budding to the front. Now before you go giving me the “well, it’s Canada” lectures you need to know this. I did not volunteer to be born here. If I had the choice, it would have been Arizona. I am here by virtue of unknown cosmic forces that sent me here.

A kinder God would have switched my cold ass with some other unborn baby that my Mom and Dad would have likely loved more than me anyway. I’m a prick and the cold has made me that way. Not my fault, it’s where I was born.

And damn…it’s cold here.

(lygenztia *120) And you don't know how to text message either?

I don’t get people that have a cell phone and never turn it on. I know two people like this and I cannot for the life of me understand why they will not turn their phone on.

Why do you have the damn thing? For an “emergency”? So, the logic is…..some epic catastrophe may occur that requires the use of your cell, therefore you pay a monthly fee just in case? Um…ok, I get it. Sorta. You’re kind of like a Forest Ranger, watching just in case there’s a fire.

If you don’t like answering the phone, if you want to hide from the world, what in the hell did you get a cell phone for? Move out into the woods, find a cabin without hydro, water, cable or phone line and shun the world.....if that’s what floats your boat.

Heck, I might even come visit you…but first turn on your damn cell so I can make sure you are home.

(lygenztia *119) Gotta write this fast, then build a nuclear reactor.

Effin, bloody, damn homework. Homework is nothing more than a Teacher’s revenge on me, for my child being a brat.

I went to High School. I went to College. Now, I am to be condemned to another lifetime of homework through my kids. My favourite antics are my son's. Nice boy…kind, caring, but with about as much common sense as a steel bar.

Sunday night, 6:14PM. “Dad, I need a straw hat with 3 things hanging from it that symbolize courage, loyalty and..mmm, I forget what else. I also need a working model of a nuclear reactor for period 1 tomorrow morning.”

Ok, ok, I threw the nuclear reactor thing in…but my point is…I have already done my homework. Don’t want anymore..no, no, no. I think it would be great to have a night to actually sit down relax, talk to my kids and not have to decipher algorithms. (Which should have been taught in class anyway.)

They get way too much homework nowadays and it is nothing more than a stressor on the family dynamic. Even Albert Einstein said that he never did homework once in his life.

Show me one single scientifically proven study that demonstrates that homework enhances the learning process and I will eat the paper this blog is printed on.

Just one.