(lygenztia *233) Some helpful hints….

If you want to make absolutely certain that no-one will ever take/return your phone calls, never respond to your emails and text messages, then just simply follow these helpful hints.


1) Complain constantly when you are speaking/emailing someone. (Everybody just loves that uplifting experience.)

2) Pose mind numbingly complicated problems to people everytime you are speaking/emailing them. (Nothing a person wants to hear more than that)

3) Tell everyone you know the government, your boss, your sister, your neighbour, etc. etc. etc. are always out to get you. (Yep persecution complexes are what people really are into)

4) Talk badly about every single person you know or have had contact with since you were 9. (Because nobody suspects once they are done talking to you, you become the next person to be spoken badly about...nah, couldn't happen)

5) Tell them about how busy you are at work and how you wish you got more money for your job. (Because nobody else ever feels that way)

6) Refuse to do anything fun, spontaneous or different with people. (Yup, boring old routine is good for stress)

7) Decline the invitation for a drink. (Yes, much rather go home and wallow in worry and problems)

8) Interrupt pepole constantly when they talk. (This is a gauranteed method of avoiding future conversations with people)


So, if your social calendar is too full just follow those 8 steps.
Just so you know, following 2 or 3 steps will yield some results.


Follow all 8 and it's a lock that you will have all the free time you've ever dreamed of having.

(lygenztia *232) But how will I look for my fans???

Why does every outdoor activity now have to come with a professional calibre “outfit”? I’ve started doing a lot of kayaking and biking and I see the funniest things. When I kayak, I wear shorts, wetshoes, a shirt and a lifejacket. If I feel “fancy” that day, I wear a hat.


When I ride my bicycle, I wear shorts, shoes a shirt and a helmet. If I am going for a “distance”, I take my knapsack and throw a water bottle in it. I got my knapsack at a yard sale. It doesn’t match anything.

One of my neighbours recently started “mountain biking” as he puts it…in a very manly way. (which is odd, because the closest mountains are in another province) His outfit cost him more than the bike did. Fancy shorts, flashy shirt, hydrating backpack, goofy shoes, weird helmet and gloves. And EVERYTHING in the outfit matches, because that is important. ( I guess???)

He looks like he’s going out to tackle the Himalyan mountains. But he rides to the ravine and back. And that oh so rough ravine trail is actually paved and is smoother than the crack filled sidewalk. I don’t have the heart to tell him that he looks ridiculous.

Same for kayaking. Where I mostly go, the water is about 1-2 feet deep. I still wear a life jacket…..but all in all, pretty tame, peaceful and serene stuff. Which is what I enjoy about kayaking. This one guy that uses the same creek has an ocean going kayak with the accompanying outfit and gear that would make a cross ocean sailor jealous. Like dude, what do you think is going to happen? Are you going to get lost in the vast expanse between the 401 highway, the local park and the adjacent subdivision? Gonna get overtaken by 7 foot waves in a creek that is 9 feet wide and a foot deep? Gonna sink your boat and have to set up your survival gear because you are a half a kilometer from “civilization”?

Give me break….you look like a goof.

What’s next? Matching sport thongs?

(lygenztia *231) A momentary lapse in reading….

Was reading a book on the train a little while ago and an older gentleman sitting beside me was trying in the worst way to start a conversation. I was polite enough, but made it obvious I was really enjoying my book, without being rude. He persisted, so I relented and listened to him talk, pretending to be interested.


He started talking about the “Ex” (CNE) and how he couldn’t wait to go this year. Seemed odd to me, as he wasn’t exactly what you would call a youngster. He talked about the good times he had there years ago, with a glint in his eye. He complained about the food building. “ya know….it sure as hell ain’t what it used to be…”. I nodded as if I understood, but really didn’t.

Then he started to tell me about how he was really looking forward to taking his grand-daughters to the Ex this year. He smiled and told me all the stuff they were going to do…but he had an odd, serene look as he told me about the “plans”.

The train was coming to his stop and he got up for the door. Still talking about the Ex, he mentioned casually “ya, this will probably be my last one”.

I said “Oh really? Grand-daughters growing up and getting too cool to go with Grandpa?”

Then he said words I will never forget…..”no son…… I’m dying”. With that, the doors opened, he looked at me and said “good night” and then got off the train.

Haven’t seen him since…but do I hope he had the time of his life this year at the Ex.

(lygenztia *230) I wear my sunglasses at night.........

What’s up with these indoor sunglass wearing nitwits? We went back to school shopping (which is a whole other blog) and I couldn’t help but notice how many of these fools were traversing the mall aisles.


Wearing sunglasses inside? So, that’s the new “in thing”? Am I that far out of the loop? I can’t tell you how many of these pretentious, self absorbed fools that I saw. Wow, I guess those mall lights can really hurt your eyes. Are they trying to re-live the movie “Grease” or do they want to look like Corey Hart in the "sunglasses at night" music video? Is that it?

These guys looked absolutely ridiculous. Greasy, silly and just plain foolish. OK, you get a pass if you’re just running in to get a drink or use the bank machine. But when you “wear” them indoors while shopping you look like a goof.

(lygenztia *229) A small percentage of people......

Why are we so fascinated with percentages? Everybody knows that 84% of the people that cite percentages are only making them up. People do this all the time at social gatherings and places of general congregation. 77% of the time if you ask them the source of their "scientific" percentage, they can't tell you.

Why can't they tell you? Because they made that crap up, that's why.


50% of all people think percentages are valid. (Well, but only 53% of the time.) I like 80% of my relatives, except at weddings and funerals, when it inceases (or sometimes drops) to 94%.

21% of pro sports teams participate in yoga or pilates. Of those that do, 57% of the athletes say it was a factor. The other 43% say it wasn't. So, if the team wins 66% of the time then yoga or pilates helped 31% of the time. Or is it the other way around?

Statistics and surveys show that 61% of all people can think for themselves and do not need to follow the other 38%. (1% refused to answer) 98% of people are capable of independent thought and their own opinions aren't swayed by others 77% of the time.

Anyway, what's really in a number? A percentage is the same as a part. And the part makes up the whole, but doesn't always define it.

And as always, I am 100% correct.